A day in the life of Obama (as envisioned by a typical Republican)
Tags:Barack Obama, Humor, Jokes, Politics
6:30 AM: Obama awakened by clock radio tuned to NPR’s popular morning drive-time show, Kronsky the Bomb Thrower and His Anarcho-Syndicalist Zoo. “You know what would be fun?” Kronsky quips. “Getting the workers to seize the means of production and execute the blood-sucking capitalist bosses!”
“If only,” mutters Obama.
7:30 AM: on way to Oval Office, Obama ducks into private chapel, slipping off shoes and prostrating self while facing Mecca. He chants high-pitched, ululating prayer to Allah in foreign tongue then before leaving, bows before busts of Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Hitler and Saul Alinsky.
7:40 AM: Rahm Emanuel enters Oval Office, gives Obama secret Illuminati handshake, says, “Good morning, Comrade President. The Iranian ambassador is here to discuss his scheme to undermine America’s security.” Obama says, “Show him right in.”
9:05 AM: Snack of sweetened camel milk served with dates, figs, pita and hummus. Then Iranian ambassador exits White House through secret tunnel so Fox News won’t see him.
9:30 AM: House Speaker Pelosi arrives to plot strategy for government takeover of lucrative garbage-collection industry. Obama gives her large suitcase full of cash for bribing Congressmen.
10 AM: Editors of New York Times, Washington Post, New Yorker arrive to receive weekly instructions.
11 AM: Daily intelligence briefing by CIA and Pentagon officials on activities of America’s enemies. Bored, Obama does crossword puzzle, then dozes off.
Noon: Lunch with leaders of world gay conspiracy, who lobby Obama to appoint a transsexual to Supreme Court.
2 PM: Quiet ceremony in Rose Garden, where elders of Kikuyu tribe give Obama plaque honoring him as first Kenyan to become President of U.S.
3 PM: Latte with key advisers Al Gore, Michael Moore, Rev. Wright, Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton, Bill Ayers.
4 PM: Basketball with White House staffers. Obama’s side allowed to win, as usual.
7 PM: Dinner with family, leaders of Acorn.
9 PM: Obama reads a chapter from Das Kapital for Kids to Sasha, Malia.
10 PM: In private quarters, Obama, Michelle are so moved watching PBS documentary on suffering of poor widows and children
of al Qaeda suicide bombers, they decide to make contribution.
11 PM: Bong hits, anal sex, then sleep.
2:25 AM: Succubus enters bedroom, mounts sleeping President and has her way with him while whispering demonic instructions
for next day.
reposted from www.tikiwebgroup.com
New car
Yeah, I drive this awesome hunk of metal to work everyday. Call it an early graduation present to myself.
Scorpion in Syria
This little fucker tried crawling under my sandal. Note to self: don’t wear sandals in scorpion country.
Misa Campo in Hockey Jerseys
Tags:Misa Campo, NeSFW, Sexy, Sports, Wallpaper
Rest in Peace, Demon Prince
Dio, time to go, you must give your cape and scepter to me.
July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010
Fap Room
Tags:Awesome Things, Computers, Technology
Wikipedia in Hardback
Tags:Books, Humor, Internets, Wikipedia
It may be more volumes than this
Boss’s Actions Require Response
A man walks into a bar and orders a pint. The bartender says “that’ll be 5 cents please.” “5 cents?,” the man asks, incredulously, “well, for that price, I think I’ll have a nice T-bone steak and a glass of red wine.”
“No problem,” the bartender says, “that’ll be 10 cents please.” “10 cents?” the man asks, “what’s going on here, where’s the owner of this place?”
“He’s upstairs with my wife,” the bartender says. “Well what the hells he doing up there?” the man asks.
“The same thing I’m doing to his business down here!”
reposted from www.tikiwebgroup.com
loldreth
i stole pics from meester Dreth and made funny
at least i lol’d
inspirations from teh poop cat
tattoos from around town
one of these posts is to settle an old, old, long-ago post that my neighbor didn’t have Celtic sideburns. that solves that. and then the other is some silly Boondock Saint Boys loving guys from around town.
Our Furnace
The Sun’s vast sphere, 864,000 miles in diameter contains 335 billion cubic miles of violently hot gasses that weigh more than 2,000 quadrillion tons. Direct study can probe no deeper than the sun’s double atmosphere (the tenuous outer corona and the shallow, inner chromosphere) and it’s surface skin (the photosphere), because only the energy from these two zones reaches the earth after a 93-million mile journey in the form of visible light or invisible radiation. Yet the density, temperature and composistion of gasses in the suns’s hidden interior have been calculated, and astrophysicists know the nuclear processes that make them burn…
via Sci-Fi-O-Rama
He-Man vs. Lion-O
Tags:Comic Books, He-Man, Humor, ThunderCats
wtf.
your eyes…
Tags:Visual Tricks, WTF
Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today
I got married to this beautiful woman last week! I shooped my eye and the people behind us, how’d I do?
Rojo Johnson!
Tags:Humor, Sports, Will Ferrell, WTF
shockingly, for the first time since the strike in the 90s, I cared about baseball for almost twenty minutes. well played, Will Ferrell.
Death
Tags:Comic Books, Vertical Wallpaper
from Sandman
One-man band
“Is there anybody out there who could lend a hand
To my one man band?”
www.in-public.com/NilsJorgensen
Beauty and the Beast
Johanna Tukiainen is a superstar from Finland. She used to dance, was an overnight model and even was involved in a sex scandal with foreign minister Ilkka Kanerva. She is now working the famewhore stroll. Now she is 31 years old and in order to stay beautiful she underwent a plastic surgery, however the surgery took her beauty away leaving a monster.
Why was the dyslexic kicked out of the bar?
Why was the dyslexic kicked out of the bar?
He was spitting in the TIPS jar.
reposted from www.tikiwebgroup.com
Zombie soda
A friend of mine is getting her brain shunt replaced due to infection. This is the cerebrospinal fluid that’s coming out since they routed the current shunt outside her body to allow it to clear.
Iraqi Fedayeen Darth Vader Helmet
Fedayeen Saddam (“Saddam’s Men of Sacrifice”) was founded by Saddam’s eldest son Uday in 1995…Uday was a fan of the Star Wars movies, hence the resemblence to the helmet worn by Darth Vader.
This was an actual military issue for Saddam Era officers.
And it’s for sale on Ebay. For $100,000!
