I am a conservative!

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.

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    9 Responses ttto I am a conservative!

    1. bstaples says:

      This is Victory.

    2. Dragunov says:

      This pretty much sums it up.

      In b4 neocon shitstorm.

    3. monkeybird02 says:

      Oh, great government! Where would we be without thee? I place my firstborn at your feet. Take him, and do with him as you will, oh picture of efficiency.

    4. tikikekekekedrunk says:

      hey, sit down and listen and they’ll tell you when you’re wrong
      eradicate but vindicate as “progress” creeps along
      puritan work ethic maintains its subconscious edge
      as old glory maintains your consciousness

      there’s a loser in the house and a puppet on a stool
      and a crowded way of life and a black reflecting pool
      and as the people bend the moral fabric dies
      then country can’t pretend to ignore its peoples’ cries

      you are the government
      you are jurisprudence
      you are the volition
      you are jurisdiction
      and I make a difference too

    5. gx5000 says:

      It’s when you hear Beck say that
      “The Gov is taking over”….huh, I thought the Gov WAS in charge…
      Isn’t that why we elect officials ? to be in charge ? to take over ?

      Big Biz is in charge, and its getting impossible to hide that fact.
      Obama will probably go down as the last man who tried to help the common man against the blood suckers….

    6. SmellySmurf says:

      A true conservative doesn’t see things this way, they see it this way.

      This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by over priced electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy which don’t allow our energy producers to produce as much power as they could by regulating them to death. I then took a shower in the questionably clean water provided by the municipal water utility which is financed at the local level by taxes and runs on a budget so is good. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated/sensored channels which would be better if left to regulate themselves to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like within a 30 – 40 percential using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration which if done by the private sector could be more advanced and priced better, though regulations don’t allow such advanceds outside of the government. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food, which if less regualted would be 10 time less expensive with only 1 – 2 % increased risk and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration, or at least have companies behind them with enough money to get the approval, and priced so high because of God knows what regulations, medicare substaties, ect…. At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress (WTF congress says I should take my medicine when?) and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory (Just threw up a bit, accurate LOL), I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile, priced 10 times higher to meet this certification) and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation which rock!, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by none but taxed hevily by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank and based on and representing nothing. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service which is way less ueful and dependable or cost effective than Fedex or UPS which is a great example how private sector > government, and drop the kids off at the public school sponsored by local taxes and running on a budget which is good. After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration which keeps everyone equal and doesn’t promote workplace excelence but workplace mediocracy, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because everyone else on earth dies at every meal, I drive my NHTSA, overweight, slow, overpriced, slightly better than w/o saftey features car back home on the DOT roads which are good, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes which drive up the price of homes and provide little value again diminishing exceptionalism and fire marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department because noone has morals. I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and mastered by private enterprise that allows me to be tracked by the governemnt and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do much right.

      We just want the freedom to make our own decisions. This post suggests that everyone everywhere else on earth dies every day because their cars/roads/food/houses/interwebs sucks.

    7. GrandAdmiralThrawn says:

      Ahhh SmellySmurf

      You beat me to it.

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