Frankly? Bad pacing, poorly performed exposition, sloppy transitioning, misguided fanservice, and poor adaptation by people who either don’t understand or don’t care about the source material. That’s being more harsh than the movies deserve, but it’s honest.

Claudia morphs into The Missionary with boobs and gets into a Streetfighter match with Pyramid Head, who is acting as Heather Mason’s personal bodyguard. It gave my nostalgia a hernia.

I’m not saying it’s not worth a go just for the eye candy, but Silent Hill has gone the way of Alien. Everything from here on out is going to be bad fan-fiction and soul-crushing disappointment.