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Author Archives: tiki bot
Ear infection
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Loading ...This is so true! They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my dick’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.
The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.’
The man replied, ‘You shouldn’t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. ‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’
‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter…
via Naughty Bits.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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The best in Las Vegas
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...A guy is strolling along Vegas Strip when a stunning hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, “How much?”
The Hooker replies, “$500 for a hand-job.” The guy’s jaw drops: “$500 dollars, For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!”
The hooker says, “Do you see that Hard Rock cafe on the corner?”
“Yes.”
“Do you see the Hard Rock about a block further down?”
“Yes.”
“And beyond that, do you see that third Cafe?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” says the hooker, smiling invitingly, “I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that’s worth $500.”
The Guy says, “What the hell? I’ll give it a try.” They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, “I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?” The hooker replies, “$1,500.”
“$1,500? No blow-job could be worth that.”
The hooker replies, “Step over here to the window, big boy. See that casino just across the street? I own it. And I own it because I give a blow-job that’s worth every cent of $1,500.”The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, “Sign me up.”
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can’t believe it but he feels he truly got his money’s worth. He decides to dip into the pension savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, “How much for some pussy?”The hooker says, “Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?”
“Damn!” the guy says, in awe, “You own the whole city?”
“No,” the hooker replies, “but I would if I had a pussy.”
via Naughty Bits
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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Two deer walk out of a gay bar…
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...…one turns to the other and says “I can’t believe I just blew 30 bucks in there.”
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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Two rednecks decide to go to college…
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decide to go to college. Bubba goes first, and he is advised to take maths, history and logic.
– “What’s logic?” says Bubba.
– “Well, let me give you an example,” says the professor. “Do you own a tractor?”
– “Sure do,” says Bubba.
– “Okay. Then I assume, using logic, that you have a yard.”
– “That’s real good,” says Bubba, in awe.
– “Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house. Is that right?”
– “Gawly!” says Bubba.
– “And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, the odds are that you have a wife. Right?”
– “Betty Mae! This is incredible!”
– “Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume you are heterosexual. Is that right?”
– “You are absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thang I ever heerd of. I can’t wait to take this here logic class!”
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, goes back into the hallway where Cooter is waiting.
– “So what classes are ya takin’?” says Cooter.
– “Maths, history and logic,” says Bubba.
– “What in tarnation is logic?”
– “Let me give you an example,” says Bubba. “Do you own a tractor?”
– “No.”
– “Then you’re gay.”
via reddit.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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At a bar in Dublin…
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...A woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin?.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?’Down at the end of the bar, an old drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ‘Give the ballerina a drink!’
The bartender poured the drink and the woman drunk it. She turned again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?’
Once again, the same little drunk shouted ‘Give the ballerina another drink!’
The bartender approached the drunk and said ‘Tell me, Paddy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’
The drunk replied, ‘Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!’
via Naughty Bits.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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thermos blonde joke
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a Thermos….. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.’
‘Wow’, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it!’
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he asked?
‘Why, that’s a Thermos…. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,’ she replied.
Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’
The blond replied……’Two popsicles & some coffee.’
via Bits and Pieces.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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Alcohol is bad for my legs
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself.
“May I buy you a cocktail?”
“No thank you,” Maxine replies, “alcohol is bad for my legs.”
“Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?”
“No, they spread.”
via Naughty Bits
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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a young entrepreneur once asked a wealthy elderly man how he got his wealth.
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...a young entrepreneur once asked a wealthy elderly man how he got his wealth. The old man sat back in his chair and pondered for a moment. “Back in the great depression, when I was just a young boy, I found a nickle. With that nickle, I went to market and bought myself an apple. I shined it up, and sold it for a dime. The next day, I bought 2 apples, and shined them up and sold them each for a dime. Then, my uncle died and I inherited a million dollars.”
via reddit.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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A Teabagger, Union Member and a CEO are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies…
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...…the CEO immediately takes 11 cookies for himself. The CEO then turns to the teabagger and says, “Watch out for that union guy he wants part of your cookie.”
via reddit.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
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The Perfect Husband
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) (Log in to vote!) Loading ...Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello!”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
via reddit.
reposted from www.TikiHumor.com
