suicydking (2291)
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Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.


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  • Comment on moviemangonza intro (2011-05-23 21:42:05)
    Nice touch spewing in the garden instead of on the sidewalk.
  • Comment on Cheating Husband (2011-05-23 17:17:57)
    Could not a moment spent pointing out the shortcomings of others be better spent improving one's self?
  • Comment on huge julia roberts fan (2011-05-06 16:50:21)
    Mel Gibson is about to fuck his shit up.
  • Comment on The Departed Poster (2011-05-01 16:21:54)
    During the second half of this film, EVERY problem was solved with a headshot.
  • Comment on americans - assholes of the world (2011-05-01 16:13:42)
    Here's a great article about all the aid we pissed away & declined during Katrina. I would hope that I should never encounter an American who thinks this way. However, my facebook feed lit up with privileged, ignorant assholes reposting the Pearl Harbor sentiment after the quakes. I had a similar experience when Haiti got hit with the quake. You'd be surprised how limited some folks world-view is. These are people who are 100% against social welfare in America until we start helping someone else, and then all of a sudden it's "Why can't we help our own?"
  • Comment on lucy lu (2011-05-01 16:03:58)
    O-Ren Ishii! You and I have unfinished business!
  • Comment on White House Releases Obama's Birth Certificate (2011-04-27 16:31:01)
    Sorry, going to need to see your credentials before you comment on this.
  • Comment on egypt vs iraq (2011-04-11 12:20:01)
    This site should be like a petting zoo, where you have to pay a token fee to feed the trolls. It might cut down on overfeeding.
  • Comment on adepta sororitas (2011-04-04 19:56:29)
    Wow rsi, those are two armies that require a lot of time, money & patience. The Sisters are all metal models, so they're hard to find, hard to assemble, and fucking expensive. The Tau are numerous and fiddley, but a joy to futz with. I think you really dodged the bolt there.
  • Comment on Cliptoons (2011-03-23 12:25:32)
    These are funny, but I'm married to the sea.
  • Comment on Morihei Ueshiba (2011-03-10 14:06:25)
    I know this is generally true. Bar fights don't go down like organized sparring matches. However, I know a couple of guys who can throw a bone-breaking kick in less time than it takes to blink.
  • Comment on I Love French Fries (2011-02-28 18:54:58)
    Wow, and I thought my video card ran a little on the hot side...
  • Comment on GOGGLES! (2011-02-28 13:09:26)
    Is that some Litch Purple on the nubby bitz? Highlight them mamajammas with some tentacle pink! I honestly don't even know if GW sells those colors anymore, been a while since I bought a fresh pot.
  • Comment on Winona Ryder (2011-02-24 13:38:39)
    She steals hats and doesn't believe in the internet. Her parents were sun-worshipping hippies and her godfather is Anton Levay.
  • Comment on I Don't Always Accidentally (2011-01-28 09:43:04)
    That's some good internet right there.
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