Iron Man 3 Sucked


Went and saw Iron Man 3 today. Obviously there’s going to be some spoilers in this post, so click to read more:

It was an awesome Tony Stark film, but a pretty crappy Iron man movie. I think the iron man armor was used for all of 10 minutes for the entire film by Stark, which is pretty ridiculous. I was hoping that at the end it would be a pretty cool armor fuck fest, but it ended up being ho hum too. Sure did get to see a few piece of armor that held up against the fucking hulk get taken out by some hot handed villains…

Also, “Iron Patriot”? He never got to shoot off a single round if I remember correctly. Remember that bad ass team up from Iron Man 2 with the shoulder canon and the lasers and missle chases? You won’t see anything like that in this film, but boy howdy, you sure do get to see a bunch of people glow from the inside out. Even the ‘after credits’ scene was a let down, having nothing to do with the next iron man or Marvel movie and was just a nod to the Bromance between Bruce Banner and Tony Stark

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    don’t get me started on the mandarin twist. or the fact that the ending of the movie completely destroyed the reason for 2 even existing. if tony could really have the shrapnel surgically removed, why not have it done in the first place instead of die a slow and agonizing death like he was preparing for in 2?


    What bugged me the most was that, even by the subterranean standards of comic-book movies, not a single thing anyone does in the movie makes sense.

    So you want to cover up for exploding soldiers? Gee, what should you do? I know, you pretend there’s a terrorist on the loose who’s directly threatening the president of the USA. Yes, that’d ensure every single government agency (and available superhero) is investigating the events that you want to cover up. Don’t even think of just keeping under control all the soldiers and the drug that makes them explode and making sure they’re never in a public place. That’d just be stupid.

    And if Iron Man gets angry at you and challenges your fake terrorist, by all means, go and attack him in broad daylight, in the most visible possible way, while a dozen news crews show the scene live on TV, using a completely different MO that the terrorist uses, and fail miserably at killing him. Yeah, that should help with your cover up and anonymity.

    And if you’re Iron Man and you threaten a terrorist, by all means, make no preparations whatsoever. Just stay at home with your girlfriend close enough to you to get her harmed. Using your crappy, almost dysfunctional armor instead of the dozen of perfectly functional ones that would’ve been extremely useful in this scene and a dozen others that immediately follow but you only use in the final battle because it looks cooler that way.

    And like tiki says, it’s a bad Iron Man movie. In fact a bad superhero movie, because it treats the heroes like crap. Iron Patriot not only doesn’t actually do anything useful, but he actually gets disabled in a nanosecond by his enemy. Gets captured, and does nothing but standing still while in capture. The armor is functional enough to open and close on his command, and if his weapons are disabled, he seems to make no meaningful attempt to get them working again. He simply does nothing. And in the final battle you have Stark and Rhodes, side by side, just watching as a dozen Jarvis-controlled armors do all the heavy lifting in the battle. I’m sorry, WTF is that?

    Apparently the only comic book movie that (writer/director) Shane Black ever saw was Batman Returns so he doesn’t know that the hero is supposed to get rid of the villains, rather than just wait for someone else to get rid of them for him.


    My quick review as soon as the movie was over was “there was some cool looking set pieces but this thing was a narrative mess”. This may possibly be the only one of these modern Marvel movies that I don’t ever bother to re-watch.


    Horrible, Horrible, Horrible Movie!!! fuck the sites who give this movie a 8 or 9, God knows their getting Bribed


    I enjoyed it.

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