Single on Valentines Day

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    Luke Magnifico

    Male side should be at least 60% crying silently while masturbating for hours.


    More like 60% cruising bars to pick up depressed single chicks for a one-night stand.

    That’s for the not single guys.


    I just go to the local grocery store do some shopping pick some good ingredients for a meal and find a female clerk.
    I wait for her to say ‘Oh cooking for your girlfriend tonight?’
    I reply with ‘Sure am, what time are you coming round?’
    She normally ‘Says eww gross’
    I reply with ‘Don’t flatter yourself you minimum wage earning bitch. And for your information I don’t want any of these groceries know your whore hands have touched them.’
    Then I walk out without paying or having any food. I cry to my vehicle…….
    ……my mom’s car…..


    *I meant now, I was busy masturbating and couldn’t think straight.


    I’ve spent too much time on the internet. I half expected to read “walk the dinosaur” or something about moving to Bel-Air in this.


    I will spend Valentine’s Day (likely) eating and playing video games.

    Not ever girl is completely desperate for a relationship. :/