Useless Superpowers

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I`ve always wondered what it would be like to communicate with a banana.

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    I would love to talk to apples


    I was thinking about that one. What if the apple has something useful to say? Then it wouldn’t be a useless superpower.

    A number of these would be useful in the right situation.

    Acid tears would be useful if you’re getting raped. Just cry on you’re attackers dick.

    Invisibility in the dark would be useful if you’re trying to sneak past a bunch of guys with night vision equipment.

    Remote remote control could be used to take control of remote the Evil scientist is using to control his Evil Robot.

    Trash detection would be useful in a restaurant.

    If 75% levitation means what I think it means, then a person could skim along the ground and avoid any potential dangers, like landmines.

    Summon a lamp once would be useful once. Haha.

    Bullet attraction would be useful for other people.

    I could go on.


    This reminds me of the useless superhero Alan. Created by the brilliant David Firth.


    the fuck?
    seriously what the fuck is that?
    I got a headache from waching it


    British insanity.


    Because you’re a fucking dumbass


    Reminded me of Burnt Face Man.


    You’re right him too, although I don’t think of him quite as useless as I think of Alan.


    The ability to engulf yourself in flame, but you aren’t immune to fire.


    Casemods has the ability to repel vagina and, I believe he talks to bananas nightly.


    The bananas rape him at night.


    Invisibility in the dark and 1 second super strength aren’t useless at all.

    If nobody else wants those powers, I’ll take them.




    Talking to fruit would make for great investigative sources. The Apple know everything you do.

    Though Eating the apple might feel a little sad.


    super slo mo + orgasm = win


    Reminds me of the guy in Misfits who could use telekinisis, but only on milk and other dairy products.


    super slow mo would be very helpful, if you want more time to make a decision, or if you want a moment to last.
    and what’s the recharge time on the 1 second super-strength?
    oh, and who WOULDN’T want to be able to pick up a remote control from across the room?

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