They Say Nice Things

A guy is sitting alone in a bar nursing his drink. The bartender is at the other end of the bar cleaning a glass. The guy suddenly hears a little whisper of a voice that says, “Nice hat.”

He looks around but he’s the only one nearby. He thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking. A few minutes later he hears this same voice, “Nice shirt.”

Now he’s getting a little paranoid because there’s still no one else in the bar. He calls the bartender over and orders another drink. Several minutes later he hears the voice, “Nice tie.”

He just about loses it. He calls the bartender over and says, “man, am I going crazy? I keep hearing voices!” The bartender asks, “What are they saying?” “Nice hat, nice shirt, nice tie.” The bartender says, “ah, it’s the peanuts; they’re complimentary.”

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    I groaned. Not with pleasure.


    When I worked at a hotel, we would put a stack of newspapers on the desk for people to read while they ate breakfast. One day a guy came up and asked “Are these complimentary?” I said, “Yes, there’s an editorial on page 4 about how they really like your shoes.”

    The dude didn’t get it and just gave me a really confused look until I told him, yes, they were free.


    Good one.