what if..

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Some Russian bloggers tried to imagine how the popular international brands and products could look if Russians took over the world someday


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    No Chance!!!


    Well yeah, because they have no real interest in it. There’s more Russians where I’m living than there is Irish, so I hang out with a lot of Ruskies because they know how to drink. The closest to thoughts of world domination I’ve heard was from a few who thought it would be funny. That’s right; if Russia ever takes over the world, it’ll be for the lulz.

    I could blither on for some time about why the Russians don’t have much interest in global domination, but my friend Anton put it best the last time the topic came up: “We’ve already got the vodka, the women, and the oil. What the fuck do we need the world for?”


    Anyone read Russian? Did the last one (Hollywood sign) say Corn Holey. Like the sentense “People in Prison are Corn Holy when Bubba comes to their cell.


    The hollywood sign is wierd. My cyrillic is a bit rusty, but the first word is pronounced Sochy, whereas the second word doesn’t work, as there is nothing resembling an “L” in cyrillic. if anyone knows better, please correct me; I learned the alphabet 15 years ago, but not the language.

    I do like how “The Simpsons” becomes “The Ivanovs”


    You’re indeed correct. Sochi is a popular Russian resort. The last word is spelled with latin letters for whatever reason, and is a colloquial word that doesn’t translate well.

    Clarifying the others.
    1) Trotsky’s Fried Chicken
    2) Cosmos and Prima cigarettes
    3) Button-less phone with colour display “Dialog”. There is a price listed on the bottom (as there would have been with most Soviet products, since the prices were set): 90 roubles, 70 kopecks.
    4) Vesna (spring) Stereo. Music, Photos, Settings. The buttons correspond to the iPod’s.
    5) NarKomPisheProm (national commissariat of food production), USSR, GlavMyaso (main meat). “Hot Moscow-style meatballs on a bun.” 50 kopecks.
    6) A play on the Kolokolchik (little bell) brand of carbonated water made in the USSR.
    7) The Ivanovs, parody of The Simpsons. Ivanov is Russia’s version of “Smith”.
    8) Sochi, huly. In this particular context, “huly” can be interpreted as “shit yeah”.


    This is fantastic. And timely, as I’ve been studying russian again lately a bit. Really cool language.

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