The Table

There-No-Table-Greater_500x500.jpg (34 KB)

When you have to beat the shit out of someone in the middle of the night.

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    Why would you have some ugly table when you could have a gun near your bed?


    @georgebushfan87: Keep the gun on the table?


    Less effective than a gun, but far more hilarious to use.


    All I’m saying is that it looks tacky. Who has a bed side table like that?


    this is fukken awesome

    i love the bottom 2 frames.


    *beat repeatedly with club*

    Howie Feltersnatch

    This really works only if you yell something archaic like, “Have at you!!!” as go on the attack.


    Why have a table like that when I have real shields, warclubs, and swords bedside and on my wall in easy reach? Or I could smash an intruder down with the big brick of a lockbox local laws say I have to keep my .357 in….


    You also need the Emergency ‘Please don’t let me be misunderstood’ KillBill-swordfight on stereo speakers ready in accompany with this set of tomfoolery


    The Zombie Apocalypse Table!


    @Puulahi: yes, this is the true purpose of this table


    This is too cool. It has a better visual impact than a pistol, I’d think. Besides, what are the chances of accidently clubbing your teenager that is sneaking home at 3 am compared to accidently shooting them?
    Remember kids, the shield makes a great weapon too- smashing in the face, chopping into an elbow or knee, bash into the midsection… Not throwing it like a frisbee though.


    @SumoSnipe: This is about as effective as that lockbox. You still have to unscrew the leg from the top before use. Probably takes more time than unlocking your gunsafe. But I suppose you could beat an intruder, or your sneaky teenage son with the entire table, as well. Bedside firearms, FTW.


    What is wrong with you people? This is awesome! The only down side is if your wife put flowers or something on it.


    DO WANT!!


    from a functional standpoint, the shield would be incredibly uncomfortable to use. metal bars digging into your skin and all.


    “this is not YOUR bedroom- THIS IS SPARTA!!!”

    But i agree this is awsome- I would beat the shit out of someone and then make them walk to the hospital… Then call the cops. (i always call the cops last- gives time for clean up)


    I already have a stick by my bed. No use for a shield, really. It looks cool, but I wouldn’t buy it. I have always said that a stick is better than a gun for intruders. Scare the shit out of them, beat them to a pulp, then call the cops and play the helpless female. HA!


    WHY did I not think of this!!!?


    Where can I buy this? I swear if it’s under $60 I’ll buy it.


    No kidding. If I can’t buy it, I’ll have to make it.


    Hey, I have these! Except they are made of steel. And don’t actually masquerade as a table… OK, maybe i don’t have one of these…


    @thatonejimguy: from a functional standpoint, this fails in a number of ways. As a table it looks like it would break if you put a flower pot on it (seriously, that bottom pin holder is what, 1 1/2 inches?), the shield barely works, and the billy club part is so short you’d have a hard time taking on someone with a knife. Seriously, if you’re sane enough to want a non-lethal way of dispatching an intruder, use pepper spray, a taser/myotron, and a good, hard wooden baseball/cricket bat (don’t swing full force if you wish to stay within those non-lethal… Read more »


    I’ll stick to keeping a 12 gauge under the bed, I prefer having a table I can actually put things on.


    I think I may make this for myself, but I will use one of those mini-baseball bats for the club and paint a ball motif on the shield probably. I still haven’t figured out how to get rid of the screw, but I am leaning towards inverting the bat (handle up) once I do.


    @Sabersmith: magnets. strip a pair of magnets out of a dead microwave’s guts, those are fairly strong, will hold things in place if you dont overload the table.


    @WistfulD: bokkens. Or as in my room, a buttload of wood in various stages of being carved into walking sticks and such.


    You said “buttload of wood” and no one remarked on this???