The Table

There-No-Table-Greater_500x500.jpg (34 KB)

When you have to beat the shit out of someone in the middle of the night.


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    georgebushfan87

    Why would you have some ugly table when you could have a gun near your bed?

    Queensly

    @georgebushfan87: Keep the gun on the table?

    Gouki4u

    Less effective than a gun, but far more hilarious to use.

    georgebushfan87

    All I’m saying is that it looks tacky. Who has a bed side table like that?

    natedog

    this is fukken awesome

    i love the bottom 2 frames.

    ZZZzzzZZzzZzzzzZZZzzzz*%@!#

    WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MAH HOUSE??!??!?
    *beat repeatedly with club*

    Howie Feltersnatch

    This really works only if you yell something archaic like, “Have at you!!!” as go on the attack.

    SumoSnipe

    Why have a table like that when I have real shields, warclubs, and swords bedside and on my wall in easy reach? Or I could smash an intruder down with the big brick of a lockbox local laws say I have to keep my .357 in….

    fortyseven

    You also need the Emergency ‘Please don’t let me be misunderstood’ KillBill-swordfight on stereo speakers ready in accompany with this set of tomfoolery

    Puulaahi

    The Zombie Apocalypse Table!

    ninjoe

    @Puulahi: yes, this is the true purpose of this table

    SirWishbone

    This is too cool. It has a better visual impact than a pistol, I’d think. Besides, what are the chances of accidently clubbing your teenager that is sneaking home at 3 am compared to accidently shooting them?
    Remember kids, the shield makes a great weapon too- smashing in the face, chopping into an elbow or knee, bash into the midsection… Not throwing it like a frisbee though.

    monkeybird02

    @SumoSnipe: This is about as effective as that lockbox. You still have to unscrew the leg from the top before use. Probably takes more time than unlocking your gunsafe. But I suppose you could beat an intruder, or your sneaky teenage son with the entire table, as well. Bedside firearms, FTW.

    Paul_Is_Drunk

    What is wrong with you people? This is awesome! The only down side is if your wife put flowers or something on it.

    PMcGee

    DO WANT!!

    Deleted_User

    from a functional standpoint, the shield would be incredibly uncomfortable to use. metal bars digging into your skin and all.

    Moe

    “this is not YOUR bedroom- THIS IS SPARTA!!!”

    But i agree this is awsome- I would beat the shit out of someone and then make them walk to the hospital… Then call the cops. (i always call the cops last- gives time for clean up)

    Annarchy

    I already have a stick by my bed. No use for a shield, really. It looks cool, but I wouldn’t buy it. I have always said that a stick is better than a gun for intruders. Scare the shit out of them, beat them to a pulp, then call the cops and play the helpless female. HA!

    loogaroo

    WHY did I not think of this!!!?

    Dreth

    Where can I buy this? I swear if it’s under $60 I’ll buy it.

    RepairmanJackX

    No kidding. If I can’t buy it, I’ll have to make it.

    Phyreblade

    Hey, I have these! Except they are made of steel. And don’t actually masquerade as a table… OK, maybe i don’t have one of these…

    WistfulD

    @thatonejimguy: from a functional standpoint, this fails in a number of ways. As a table it looks like it would break if you put a flower pot on it (seriously, that bottom pin holder is what, 1 1/2 inches?), the shield barely works, and the billy club part is so short you’d have a hard time taking on someone with a knife. Seriously, if you’re sane enough to want a non-lethal way of dispatching an intruder, use pepper spray, a taser/myotron, and a good, hard wooden baseball/cricket bat (don’t swing full force if you wish to stay within those non-lethal… Read more »

    gudis

    I’ll stick to keeping a 12 gauge under the bed, I prefer having a table I can actually put things on.

    Sabersmith

    I think I may make this for myself, but I will use one of those mini-baseball bats for the club and paint a ball motif on the shield probably. I still haven’t figured out how to get rid of the screw, but I am leaning towards inverting the bat (handle up) once I do.

    SumoSnipe

    @Sabersmith: magnets. strip a pair of magnets out of a dead microwave’s guts, those are fairly strong, will hold things in place if you dont overload the table.

    SumoSnipe

    @WistfulD: bokkens. Or as in my room, a buttload of wood in various stages of being carved into walking sticks and such.

    Annarchy

    @SumoSnipe:
    You said “buttload of wood” and no one remarked on this???