CHURCH FIGHT!

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Why can’t we all just get along


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    Tyger42

    ‘shopped, I’m sure, but still funny. 🙂

    Drew

    Every good Catholic knows that rocks do indeed go to Heaven.

    Elepski

    *sigh* Stupid Religious People *face palm*

    kazza-flazza

    now that made me laugh!

    aarpie

    Catholics 1
    Presbyterians 0

    doombuddy

    Rocks go to heaven, presbyterians don’t…

    ElinHime

    That made me giggle.

    Lakiamia

    I agree with the Catholics on this one. Without dogs there, then by definition it wouldn’t truly be heaven! (There’s dogs in hell, too, but only to make chew toys out of the people who abused animals on earth.)

    GorillaMunch

    Soooo. say I murder some one , but it was my schizophrenic alter ego who did it. Does that I mean I go to hell anyway for committing murder? After all, some one NEEEEDS to burn in Hell for the act. I seriously see this whole punishment thing as a joke, since most humans can only fathom vengeance due to some one’s acts. Jesus never talked about burning in Hell and so on .(go ahead and quote it if you can, I have a Bible here) Let the flaming begin (although I think I started it). 🙂

    Dragyn

    Yea, you did start the flaming. But really, if you have an alter ego that’s capable of independent thought and has it’s own personality, is there a clause in the Bible that says the alter ego wont go to Hell and you wont go to heaven? It’s really funny, and I like the dog debate. But it doesn’t strike right with me, as Presbyterian is a form of protestantism, and they’re the ones who will say that animals have souls. As opposed to the Catholic belief that generally animals do not have souls, and cannot be saved because they can’t… Read more »

    Moe

    i peed my pants- nope bladder infection..

    Caio

    Oh well I knew someone would ruin this fucking thread about a funny silly comedy miage. I’m just waiting for RXixor to start blabbing about papish plots now, fuck’s sake.

    But I’ll bite since I happen to have a bible here as well. Where did Jesus talk about going to hell, Dragyn AND NO STRAINED INTERPRETATIONS OF PARABLES FROM JOHN PLZ

    MikesterMike

    Must be on eof them church-sign generators all over the web. Backgrounds never change…and I think I see pixels…

    Caio

    Also, a quick googling tells me that John Paul II says that animals actually do have souls.

    I don’t know about presbyterians but I do know the church evolved out of Calvinism and Calvinism says animals do not have souls. So shut your idiot cunt mouth Drygan.

    Moe

    dogs and humans alike- we are products of our environment- we are born, our brains do alot of work, we die. Science rules! please pray for my soul- i like the pr. p.s.-the bible is a great book- i’ve read it. Great history, poems, and storys.. thats all. What else do you think made war back then?

    Moe

    Faith is a way to inform people. has been for many decades.. science says the world is round. Church says “MY God says its flat”.. so how else do you tell millions of people of faith the world is round…? this is today- quantum physics.. please inform your pastor.

    stunon

    ok, now go make your own signs. www.churchsigngenerator.com/

    nyoki

    Unless you can tell by the pixels this may not be shooped. There are a lot of churches (in WV anyway) that put some hellaciously funny stuff on their signs. In Baltimore there were 2 churches across from each other, one a Yankees fan, the other an Orioles fan. There was some funny signage going on about whose team God supported.

    RSIxidor

    Caio:

    Papish plots? What, where they bury them? Huh?

    nyoki

    Ah, perhaps I should have read all the comments before posting. Oh well, I’m slapping myself silly.

    The Matrix: Rebooted

    What about insects? Do they have souls? That would mean a metric fuck-ton of mayflies in heaven.

    Dreth

    Souls were invented for the profit of man’s ego. Everyone knows this.

    Alec Dalek

    The best way to keep christians down is to encourage them to fight amongst themselves. They love to come up with new stuff to hate.

    Caio

    “Faith is a way to inform people. has been for many decades.. science says the world is round. Church says “MY God says its flat”.. so how else do you tell millions of people of faith the world is round…? this is today- quantum physics.. please inform your pastor.” No one was arguing that the world was flat in the 16th century. In fact it seems never to have really come up in theological debate, except in Roman times. The “world is flat” thing was made up by a nineteenth century American who wanted to mythologize Columbus. No one actually… Read more »

    Gouki4u

    Did this come from /b/? It seems like the kind of argument that would pop up there.

    MadScientist

    fake but still funny

    CathyLong

    I lol’d so hard my side hurts. fucker. :/

    Moe

    Caio- Thanks for your infinite wisdom. You missed to point. ..so go back to watchin universal soilder-the return.

    Saborlas

    Gouki4u: Actually, I think it came from a fairly recent Fark/TotalFark thread. I forget if it went green or not, but we had a LOT of church sign fun. I’m fairly certain this was a debate between a pair of the usual lunatics.

    Caio

    Your point was that you were defending your “fact-based” worldview with non-factual “evidence.”

    You can squak “FACT-BASED FACT-BASED FACT-BASED” all you want but if you don’t put in the basic amount of effort verifying your facts you are an idiot.

    GorillaMunch

    Well , I can see that there have no fruits produced from my labor. No sense in poking a dead horse (religion) Scientology can go to Hell , with Tom attached to a Cruize missile (ohhh see what I did ther?!)

    AgZed

    “you vapid flapping cunt.”
    This bears repeating by simple virtue of it’s sheer awesomeness.

    If you want to know where the Bible talks about fires in hell, have a look at Matthew 18:8 or Mark 9:43. The current Catechism of the Catholic Church basically says that Hell is simply a place where you are cut off from God, and because all ‘positive’ emotions (happiness, love, et al) stem from God, you’re left with nothing but pain, anguish and despair. The fire & brimstone of the Bible is considered an analogy to explain this rather esoteric concept to simple folks.

    Caio

    Mark 9:43: It is better for you to enter into life maimed than with two hands to go into Gehenna. Into the unquenchable fire. Gahenna was a graveyard. You can still go there: it is right outside of Israel. It was where the non-Jews traditionally made sacrifices, to false gods. That was nothing but a statement of Monotheism from the typically Jewish Gospel of Mark. To sin was to remove yourself from monotheism and send yourself to the demons worshipped as idols in the early Rabbinic literature of the time. Here is a picture of Gahenna: farm4.static.flickr.com/3116/2550216528_36d213042d.jpg?v=0 There isn’t a… Read more »

    Caio

    Sorry, right outside of Jerusalem. Here’s another picture of what you call “Hell”:

    upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/58/JPF_-_Old_City_From_Mount_Scopus.jpg/300px-JPF_-_Old_City_From_Mount_Scopus.jpg

    Caio

    Also, I should have said “according to early Rabbinic literature”.

    The Gospel of Mark is almost identical to Pharisitic theology, by the by. According to Mark, Jesus was little different than the early Rabbinical Jews.

    nyoki

    Gehenna The place where children were sacrificed to the god Moloch was originally in the “valley of the son of Hinnom,” to the south of Jerusalem (Josh. xv. 8, passim; II Kings xxiii. 10; Jer. ii. 23; vii. 31-32; xix. 6, 13-14). For this reason the valley was deemed to be accursed, and “Gehenna” therefore soon became a figurative equivalent for “hell.” Hell, like paradise, was created by God (Soá¹­ah 22a); according to Gen. R. ix. 9, the words “very good” in Gen. i. 31 refer to hell; hence the latter must have been created on the sixth day. Yet… Read more »

    Caio

    Bah, the Jewish encyclopedia is the classical example of Jewish self-censorship. You know, going through the Talmud and replacing ‘goyim’ with ‘sadducees’.

    The Jews of Jesus’ day largely believed that hell was simply the realm of the demons who passed themselves off to goyim as false idols. There was no careful Mithraism-inspired Christian dichotomy between Heaven and Hell. Everyone who goes to Gahenna goes to ‘the place where God resides’ eventually, in Talmudic Judaism.

    There’s no reason to think Jesus thought any different.

    Most modern Jews reject the idea of hell altogether. It’s never been central to Jewish theology.

    garbledxmission

    Um, Caio, he said Matthew 18:8 and Mark 9:43, not Matthew 9:43.

    nyoki

    Caio, I respect your knowledge, obvious intelligence and grasp of the nuances in these types of arguments…but it would it kill you to be a bit more…ah, diplomatic? It seems that no matter what sources anyone (other than yourself, of course)uses, it’s inferior. I realize you prolly have access to scholarly sources that most of us don’t. That doesn’t mean that other less rigorous sources are necessarily less factual or useful for the purposes of debate.

    Caio

    @Garbled: Matthew 18:8 – “It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two and s or two feet to be thrown into Gahanna Mark 9:43: “Better for you to enter into life with maimed than with two hands to go into Gahenna.” All the same shit, different pile. Once again, we ax ourself: Does Jewish Jesus refer to the Jewish doctrine or the Christian doctrine which didn’t exist in his times and for which he gave absolutely no details. ————— Less rigorous sources are bullshit. The only way to know historical truth is to… Read more »

    Caio

    tl;dr if you want to have an opinion, and not be called a dumb cunt, put work into that opinion.

    Debating truth is not the special olympics: we don’t change the rules for the retards. Truth is truth and acquired by rigour.

    Or do you want me to build a stupid ramp and call them “differently abled”?

    nyoki

    Caio, Are you 7 years old, to say that Truth is that simple? Did you actually just argue that there’s Truth, rather than truth, in history? I know you know better. My knowledge of history does not equal yours…fine. If I need “learning”, learn me. Don’t call me an idiot and then make fun of “where” I got my info. I hope you’re no older than 25, because that is the only excuse I would accept for your juvenile and condescending attitude. Aren’t there any appropriately intelligent and knowledgeable people (real people, not internet) w/ whom you interact on a… Read more »

    Caio

    Answer #1: Because this is the internet and if you don’t treat people with disdain and ambivalence they’ll not bother you as much. Of course I’ve never talked so sharply IRL, but I’ve never had hundreds of idiots around the world listening in on my conversations. There’s no politeness on the internet. — Answer #2: I could be polite and make well-written, carefully proof-read posts. And then diabeetus or magnus or one of other of a billion idiots would pop up and posts, well, what diabeetus and magnus and other idiots post; basically, a lot of bullshit. Given how many… Read more »

    Caio

    erm strike and reverse that first sentence.

    nyoki

    Caio: Ok, got it. Third time’s a charm.

    garbledxmission

    NO. Dammit all to hell, no. I have had it. I have had it with this ignorant, fucking trogloditic attitude that you persist in displaying on this site, Caio. I completely understand your vitriol with the majority of the human race. I’ve felt it most of my life both juvenille and adult for reasons that you may or may not understand and have lived through my own personal hells that you may have experienced in relation but probably not in reality. Either way I don’t care. The instant you arrive at the level where all you wish to do either… Read more »

    Caio

    Which great teachers?

    garbledxmission

    Well, you’ve given me your answer.
    I am truly sorry for the limited little world you choose to live in.

    garbledxmission

    All you want is “facts” and “truth” even though you have stated no such thing truly exists except what we see right now and even that is open to interpretation. In other words, nothing has meaning or truth. What a wonderfully pointless, cold and empty reality you must exist in. No wonder you are so angry, hostile and prone to lashing out. That entire statement and all you want are examples that you can pick apart with your encyclopedic knowledge of history. Because no one could possibly know more than you or have a relavant opinion or belief that isn’t… Read more »

    garbledxmission

    Sorry, *relevant*. Tiki, an edit function would be nice here too for those of us who drink and type.

    Caio

    There’s no such thing as absolute objectivity, but you can collect as much subjective evidence as possible to form the most nuanced view, can’t you? The only way to understand something is: form a theory, offer as much contradictory evidence as possible, adjust the theory. Let’s take some average person logic and apply this concept. 1) A million people on MSC say Obama has voted partisan on every issue. 2) Find an issue where Obama hasn’t voted partisan: there are many. 3) A million people persist in saying Obama has voted on every issue. If persistently confronted they’ll use their… Read more »

    Caio

    Sorry “Lecturing me about how necessary it was to oppose evil despotic states”

    nyoki

    Caio: So you’re saying there is no difference (to you) between my questions and obvious willingness (because I accept your knowledge) to change my mind, given new facts or insights, and an asshole who’s trolling. Distinguishing between the 2 opposing thoughts is beyond your ability or willingness?

    Phyreblade

    Wow… That was awesome…

    Also: this thread is full of… Caio?

    Hokeydokey, i’m outta here… 😛

    Caio

    “So you’re saying there is no difference (to you) between my questions and obvious willingness (because I accept your knowledge) to change my mind, given new facts or insights, and an asshole who’s trolling. Distinguishing between the 2 opposing thoughts is beyond your ability or willingness?”

    Because we assume that trolls don’t mean what they say but most of the time they actually do.

    Again you’re in the minuscule minority so if accidentally displeasing someone open minded is the cost of not letting an internet comedy site eat my soul, then so be it.

    nyoki

    What an odd way to perceive things. As a teacher, I tend to go the other way.

    Caio

    Why teach west virginians?

    Seriously, you have no economy and the highest enlistment rate in the US. It takes years to truly learn anything. You’re just filling kids’ heads with nonsense they don’t need: These kids were born as targets in uniform and will die as such before they reach the age to know anything about anything.

    nyoki

    I don’t teach West Virginians, I’m not Superteacher. I teach in Maryland, 20 minute drive for $20,000 more dollars.

    nyoki
    HoChunk

    I miss Nyoki & garbledxmission. Caio, too, but at least he bothers to pop up now & again.