Men Are Like Coffee



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    .. and black ?


    ground up and served in a coffee mug?


    with a spoon in them


    Leave a smelly breath?


    Sweet and creamy, with a little sugar in ’em?
    Ground up and in the freezer?


    Easily available at Starbuck’s, worldwide?


    will scald your crotch?


    Women are like coffee. They get you up in the morning, and if you try to have them at night, they won’t ever let you get to sleep.

    Captain Horatio Mindblower

    Pet peeve: That should be “The best ones are rich and warm AND can keep you up all night long”. Two conjunctions are needed because one connects the two things the best ones are (rich, warm) and the other connects the two actions of the best ones (be rich and warm, keep you up all night).

    “Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?”
    — Walter Sobchak

    tiki god


    only you’re wrong. there are three item there. One, Two AND Three. Not One And Two And Three. What, are you a second grader? Didn’t finish that kindergarten grammar class?

    Or is English your second language, and incorrectly being a Grammar Nazi your hobby?

    Also your quote sucks. And you smell like elderberries.

    Captain Horatio Mindblower

    All due respect, Tiki God, but damn, it’s too much to be stupid AND obnoxious.

    Can you understand why the sentence “I stayed up all night, drank beer, wine, and whisky, and threw up on Dean Wormer” has two conjunctions?

    The Matrix: Rebooted

    tiki is correct, captain blower. Your example is not analogous because the items listed are not adjectives.
    “Rich” and “Warm” do not need a conjunction between them because they are independent adjectives of coffee (and men).
    You’re trying to pull some “Eats Shoots and Leaves” style stuff, but your grammar kung-fu is weak.


    Ugh. The first one (The best ones are rich, warm & can keep you up all night long) is one idea, your “drank beer, wine, and whisky (whiskey?) and threw up on Dean Wormer” is two ideas/actions, the drinking, and the throwing up. If you were trying to correct it, you should have said “I stayed up all night, drank beer and wine and whisky, (sic) and threw up on Dean Wormer.” Or something.


    Yeah, reboot has the words to describe it, I don’t know adjectives and adverbs, past participles, etc. I read books when I was a kid, didn’t learn English from school.

    The Matrix: Rebooted

    I had to sing the whole Schoolhouse Rocks song in order to remember the right terminology.

    tiki god

    oooo Schoolhouse Rock ftw


    Illinois Grammar Nazis piss me off…..Elwood, floor it.


    Sorry gents, the Cap’n is right.

    I have always struggled to remember how it worked, so I try each portion individually in the sentence to see which way works. If we follow your thinking, the sentences would break down like this:

    The best ones are rich. (Good)
    The best ones are warm. (Good)
    The best ones are can keep you up all night long.(Oooh, fail)

    If you add in the extra “and,” your resulting sentences are:

    The best ones are rich and warm. (Good)
    The best ones can keep you up all night long. (Winnar!)

    It helps my programmer brain to think of conjunctions as nesting statements.

    Besides, even as the line currently is, it’s missing a comma; it should be “The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep…”

    Don’t make me get out my Longman’s to cite this crap. APA ftw.

    tiki god

    You’re wrong there too you illiterate twit. Three items, one conjunction.

    Ultimately I’m going to be right, if only because I can edit comments 😉


    God fuck it. I really had my hopes up. A good image relating to gender issues, 20 comments. I was ready to sit back and enjoy some polemic extasy. And what the fuck do I fucking find? A grammar debate?

    Consider this: Those who decide what is grammatically proper in English are, de facto, the English professors at the top universities in Britain and the US. Ever since, like, the fucking fifties, the majority of those professors have agreed (people actually survey this stuff) that Standard Written English is only appropriate in appropriate contexts. What are proper contexts for SWE? Narraration (optional), professional usage, scholarly works, and a few other things. In fact, these experts are proud to admit that English has an unusually rich body of dialectual literature and lyric, ranging from Shakespeare to Hardy to the most exported body of music in the world. Dialectual and informal English in the right context is encouraged by the very people who define the rules you’re bickering about.

    Now, I don’t know too much bout talkin and all. English isn’t my first language, so let me put the question to you native speakers: Is a fucking image macro a formal enough setting to necessitate proper fucking grammar?


    Oh, just to add to that, let’s not forget Mark Twain, e.e. cummings, Dickens, Hemmingway, Chauser, Yeats, Joyce, Frost, the beats, Brautigan, I could go on. Actually, how many figures in English liturature not only use informal English, but use it masterfully? All of them, pretty much.

    But, no, the internet is serious business, and thus requires the most serious form of English possible. The type meant for Government Documents and Scholarly literature.

    tiki god

    Caio FTW

    Luke Magnifico

    Holy fucking fuck. Shut the fuck up. It’s fucking gramar.

    Luke Magnifico


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