Bratz

0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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51TkLBjOiZL Bratz

High School is about to get a makeover when the highly popular dolls with a passion for fashion come to life in their first-ever live-action theatrical debut.

I honestly cannot tell you why I chose this movie to try out the (new to me) Tubi app on my Roku, but this is the movie I chose and man am I happy I did.  Tubi itself is an ok service, but it has several of the problems that I associate with first generation streaming apps: weird movie choices, out of sync audio, ads that run at weird times (and 3 seconds of the previous scene being incorrectly chopped off, then plays after the ad), washed out images, and an UI that’s not terrible but not great.  I look forward to what they end up with in the future though, they seem to be moving the right direction.  One shockingly positive thing I noted was that they ran a commercial for a local mexican that I’ve been to many times, which was surprising on multiple levels, but it was great to see different ads every ad break and not the same one three times in a row.

As for the movie itself, boy howdy was it a humdinger of an experience.  It’s the story of four freshmen in highschool being played by 18-20 year olds, which if you’ve ever met both a 14 year old and an 18 year old, there’s a world of difference, not that it matters in this case because they’re so excited to be a part of this new high school experience.  It’s never addressed, but the school they’re going to has security in nearly every scene, so I can only assume it’s a cesspool of dangerous criminals, something that’s further re-enforced by the thinly veiled Barbi stand in bully, who’s father is the principal of the school.  It’s later revealed that they live in a multistoried mansion on what I can only assume is an expansive piece of real estate, worth several million dollars.  How he affords all this on a high school principal salary can be explained partially by the amount of armed security on the campus, I’m pretty sure he’s getting some sizable kickbacks from the contractors handling the detail.  There’s some odd MTV participation, and while I see no indication they were actually involved in the creation of the movie itself, I guess it’s a buzzworthy name that’s easy to drop to highschoolers. Mixed in with all this is a weird child love story with a younger brother and a much much younger sister, all wrapped up with a song / music video that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie, either in tone or substance.

This was not a good movie to me, a 38 year old white guy typing out movie reviews from the safety of his couch.

  • drunk text

    1 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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    Eighth Grade

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    81ShxvNEAJL. RI SX300  Eighth Grade

    Thirteen-year-old Kayla endures the tidal wave of contemporary suburban adolescence as she makes her way through the last week of middle school-the end of her thus far disastrous eighth grade year-before she begins high school.

    This was an exercise in anxiety and self loathing that was great to experience once, but man I did not know what kind of film I was getting myself into. Was it going to have a sudden twist that would ruin it? It’s directed by that one guy that does a stand up routine that’s completely off the walls in every good way, so maybe it’ll have that twist? Was that the twist? Is there no twist? What’s going to happen when she’s alone?

    Such a great film that I suggest you check out, but only if you were a 13 year old at any point in your life.

  • windswept cyborg in a gas mask

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    clean pool

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Captain Marvel is power

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Captain Marvel is power 300x169 Captain Marvel is power

  • Robocop

    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    A11 UBkO9nL. RI SX300  Robocop

    In a dystopic and crime-ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg haunted by submerged memories.

    I turned this on to have something in the background while I moved my office equipment and books out of my office, my plan is to repaint the room and get everything back in. I ended up spending more time watching the movie than moving stuff, ¯(?)/¯.

    On Amazon Prime, I’m told this is the “X Rated” version with more blood and/or guts.

    love butt

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    big buddy

    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    big buddy 617x750 big buddy


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