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  • Warm Suicide

    A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

    A homeless man walks up to her.

    She sees the man coming and says, “Go away! There’s nothing you can say to change my mind!”

    He says, “Well, if you’re going to kill yourself anyway, why don’t we have sex? At least I’ll enjoy it.”

    “Absolutely not! You’re disgusting!”, she replies. The man turns and starts walking away.

    “Is that all you’re going to say? You’re not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?”

    “I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you’ll still be warm!”, he says.

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    CLOTHESPIN NOSE

     

    My doctor tells me I’ve got a bacon addiction

    Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.

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    KGW’s Maggie Vespa responds to viewer asking her to “dress like a normal woman”

    KGW reporter and anchor Maggie Vespa received feedback from a viewer last week telling her she “looks foolish” for wearing high-wasted panted. The viewer dou…

    Maggie Vespa wants to make a fashion statement during every broadcast, but then feels outraged when someone (rightfully) calls her out on the high waisted pants?

    Then she says that guys never have that problem? Guess she didn’t hear about all the shenanigans with Adam Driver’s topless Star Wars scene.

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    BUMPER STICKER

     

    SCULPTURE

     

    What’s least spoken language on earth

    Sign language

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    SURPLUS

     

    JAWS

     

    Today I bumped into the guy who had sold me an antique globe

    It’s a small world.

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    LINCOLN

     


  • CRADLE CAP

     

    A curvier high school swimmer won — only to be disqualified because of a suit wedgie

    “The fact that she’s been told she’s intentionally trying to draw this sexual attention has really crushed her,” Lauren Langford, who coached the teenager when she was younger, told The Washington Post.

    I’ve seen these swimsuits, they’re incredibly form fitting and of all the things these suits revel, the butt should be the least of anyone’s concern.

    That being said, if your’e clutching your pearls because you’ve seen a butt at a swim meet at a pool, man are you in the wrong place.

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    MOTORCYCLE

     

    The Prisoner

    Created by Patrick McGoohan. With Patrick McGoohan, Angelo Muscat, Peter Swanwick, Peter Brace. After resigning, a secret agent is abducted and taken to what looks like an idyllic village, but is really a bizarre prison. His warders demand information. He gives them nothing, but only tries to escape.

    I tried, I really did. Usually I can power through series to get a real opinion about it, but I could only get about 4 episodes in. There’s just too slow of a pace and too little happening to capture my attention, and the use of numbers instead of names for the characters is really damn confusing.

    Buy On Amazon!

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    Why did the little kid fall into the well

    Because he couldn’t see that well.

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    SHORTS

     

    Paramount Picks Up Comic Book Movie ‘Harbinger’ From Sony Exclusive

    The project moves with its current creative team, including director Justin Tipping and producer Neal Moritz, intact.

    I’m really excited to see Valiant content up on the silver screen, they have a really cool universe that’s ripe for story telling.

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    Saturday and Sunday are the strongest days

    All the other days are just weak-days

    GROSSERIES

     

    CHERRY

     

    ALBUMS

     

    No Spoilers I don’t know why people are complaining Avengers Endgame was so long

    It’s Marvel Studio’s twenty second movie

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    HOTEL

     

    Didn’t stand up

    Everyone thinks Thor is so great…

    It’s because his brother is low-key….

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    Ronin

    Firefox Plans Controversial New Encryption Setting For Millions And Update Starts This Month

    Firefox now plans to make DNS over HTTPS (DoH) its default browser setting. And it’s a decision that will prompt serious debate.

    I’m not seeing how this added security feature is “controversial” at all, the only people that are getting up in arms about it are people that are doing some pretty evil stuff.

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    My first hooker

    A few years ago when I first got divorced, I decided to go to Vegas, and wanted to have some fun. I went to a casino, went to the bar, and bought a drink before I did anything when I am approached by a beautiful woman. She asked me if I liked to have fun and I said yes, she then told me she would give me a hand job for 500 dollars and I laughed and said “500 Dollars!? Why that much?” She then whipped out her cell phone and showed me a picture of a Lamborghini “You see this car? I paid for it by selling hand jobs.” So I shrugged and said “What the hell, I need to live a little, I’ll do it” so we go back to my hotel and she gives me the best hand job I ever had.

    She leaves and I pass out. The next night I go back to the same casino bar, and sure enough she’s there again and I decide I wanted some more. I walk up to her and say “You were amazing last night, how much would it cost for a blow job?” She then smiles and says “1 grand.” Again I’m a little bit set back by the price and I said “A grand? Is it that good?” She then whips out her phone and shows me a picture of a HUGE, luxurious house. She then says “See this house? I paid for it with blowjobs” so I said “Alright let’s do it” so this time we go into her car and she decides to blow me in the parking lot, and its the best blowjob I ever had.

    We sit there and I’m blown away by this woman, so I ask her, “how much would it cost for some pussy?” She then laughs and points to the casino. “You see that casino?” I said “…yeah?” She says “If I had a pussy, I would own that casino.”

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    Does anyone know where I can go to hangout and meet people

    I’m asking for a friend.

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