Iron Man 3 Sucked
Posted in Images on May 5th, 2013 by tiki god | Report This Post |
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Went and saw Iron Man 3 today. Obviously there’s going to be some spoilers in this post, so click to read more:
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North Korean rocket
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Jean Tinctor, Traittié du crisme de vauderie (Sermo contra sectam vaudensium), Bruges ca. 1470-1480.
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May 5, 2013 at 8:30 am
don’t get me started on the mandarin twist. or the fact that the ending of the movie completely destroyed the reason for 2 even existing. if tony could really have the shrapnel surgically removed, why not have it done in the first place instead of die a slow and agonizing death like he was preparing for in 2?
May 5, 2013 at 1:15 pm
What bugged me the most was that, even by the subterranean standards of comic-book movies, not a single thing anyone does in the movie makes sense.
So you want to cover up for exploding soldiers? Gee, what should you do? I know, you pretend there’s a terrorist on the loose who’s directly threatening the president of the USA. Yes, that’d ensure every single government agency (and available superhero) is investigating the events that you want to cover up. Don’t even think of just keeping under control all the soldiers and the drug that makes them explode and making sure they’re never in a public place. That’d just be stupid.
And if Iron Man gets angry at you and challenges your fake terrorist, by all means, go and attack him in broad daylight, in the most visible possible way, while a dozen news crews show the scene live on TV, using a completely different MO that the terrorist uses, and fail miserably at killing him. Yeah, that should help with your cover up and anonymity.
And if you’re Iron Man and you threaten a terrorist, by all means, make no preparations whatsoever. Just stay at home with your girlfriend close enough to you to get her harmed. Using your crappy, almost dysfunctional armor instead of the dozen of perfectly functional ones that would’ve been extremely useful in this scene and a dozen others that immediately follow but you only use in the final battle because it looks cooler that way.
And like tiki says, it’s a bad Iron Man movie. In fact a bad superhero movie, because it treats the heroes like crap. Iron Patriot not only doesn’t actually do anything useful, but he actually gets disabled in a nanosecond by his enemy. Gets captured, and does nothing but standing still while in capture. The armor is functional enough to open and close on his command, and if his weapons are disabled, he seems to make no meaningful attempt to get them working again. He simply does nothing. And in the final battle you have Stark and Rhodes, side by side, just watching as a dozen Jarvis-controlled armors do all the heavy lifting in the battle. I’m sorry, WTF is that?
Apparently the only comic book movie that (writer/director) Shane Black ever saw was Batman Returns so he doesn’t know that the hero is supposed to get rid of the villains, rather than just wait for someone else to get rid of them for him.
May 5, 2013 at 6:40 pm
My quick review as soon as the movie was over was “there was some cool looking set pieces but this thing was a narrative mess”. This may possibly be the only one of these modern Marvel movies that I don’t ever bother to re-watch.
May 8, 2013 at 1:07 pm
Horrible, Horrible, Horrible Movie!!! fuck the sites who give this movie a 8 or 9, God knows their getting Bribed
May 12, 2013 at 3:27 pm
I enjoyed it.