May 24, 2009 at 12:04 am #300716
“Hell yeah giraffes eat lions.
It just makes sense.
Evolution is key, right?
So giraffes, by the thingy of evolution, have grown to be exceedingly tall.
Now, if youâ€™re a prey animal on the plains, you donâ€™t want to be tall. Then things can kill you, and eat you. You donâ€™t want that either. You want to be small enough to use the grass as cover.
Lions are low enough to use the grass as cover. Sure, they have claws and teeth; when a giraffeâ€™s hoof is coming at you, you need to be able to defend yourself. Trampling by giraffe is the number 1 cause of trampling-related death in lions.
Some may say, â€œBut Luke, uncontested master of time, space and the infinite cosmos, surely the giraffeâ€™s teeth are too flat, more inclined to a vegetable diet!â€
And I say this:
When your main hunting method is trampling, you combine in yourr tactic killing and tenderizing. By the time a giraffe has run over a lionâ€™s corpse a few times, it is soft enough to be spread on a sandwich.
As for tearing the meat from the carcass, this is where the giraffeâ€™s long neck comes into play. Are you familiar with the physical principle of centripetal motion?
Probably not. Itâ€™s not very interesting.
Essentially, the giraffeâ€™s long neck, and hence, the distance of the head from the fulcrum of motion, means that when the giraffe lowers its head and spins around, there is a great amount of acceleration at the top of the head.
It takes 2 giraffes to eat a lion, and not for the reason you would think.
First, one giraffe lowers its head and begins to spin. The other picks up the lion in its mouth. It can do this, because of magic. It also begins to spin. When the first giraffe has reached the optimum speed, the second giraffe launches the lion towards the first. At which point, the first lion grabs part of the lion with its teeth. With such great velocities coming in opposition, the linear velocity of the lion and the angular velocity of the giraffe, the piece of meat is easily torn from the carcass. When the first giraffe has fed, the system is practiced in reverse.
And that is how giraffes eat lions.”
May 24, 2009 at 12:11 am #300717
“Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from the corn field.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower
May 24, 2009 at 12:19 am #300718May 24, 2009 at 12:55 am #300719
“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.”
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
May 24, 2009 at 1:11 am #300721
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Donâ€™t eat pork. Iâ€™m sorry, what was that last one? Donâ€™t eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
egosumnemoQuoteMay 24, 2009 at 1:18 am #300722
“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower
May 24, 2009 at 1:42 am #300725
“If i did get into psychological healthcare, id be overworked sorting through all the headcases and drugwhores here in MCS”
May 24, 2009 at 2:16 am #300726
“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.”
May 24, 2009 at 2:20 am #300727
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” – Voltaire
outofocusQuoteMay 24, 2009 at 2:31 am #300729
“No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.”
George S. Patton
May 24, 2009 at 2:42 am #300730
“It’s art, just look at it as art. Yeah, it’s disgusting, but that’s never gonna happen. Go to the Vatican and look at some of the artwork there. Woah! That’s real, representing something that could happen. Monsters are never gonna come ripping out of your body.”
-George “corpse grinder” Fisher*
* Discussing the Cannibal Corpse’s usually gory album cover art, specifically “The Wretched Spawn”‘s cover art in Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey
TheLotusEater725QuoteMay 24, 2009 at 2:50 am #300732
Haha Ian, I’m *almost* convinced.
“In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.”
- Martin Niemoeller
May 24, 2009 at 3:00 am #300733
“Not everybody goes to movies to get their life changed.”
Samuel L. Jackson
May 24, 2009 at 3:25 am #300734May 24, 2009 at 3:50 am #300736
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