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schwing

3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 53 votes, average: 4.00 out of 53 votes, average: 4.00 out of 53 votes, average: 4.00 out of 53 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 22nd, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

schwing schwing

 schwing
 schwing

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I am a conservative!

13 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 513 votes, average: 4.08 out of 5 (13 votes, average: 4.08 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 21st, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issued by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

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radical

4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 54 votes, average: 3.00 out of 54 votes, average: 3.00 out of 54 votes, average: 3.00 out of 54 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5 (4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 21st, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

radical radical

 radical
 radical

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Poor Doug

7 votes, average: 4.43 out of 57 votes, average: 4.43 out of 57 votes, average: 4.43 out of 57 votes, average: 4.43 out of 57 votes, average: 4.43 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 4.43 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 21st, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

Doug sat at the bar drowning his sorrows — he’d had a bad day. First, his wife left him for a phys-ed teacher and he found his car had been keyed in the middle of the night. When he arrived at work, he was told his job had been made redundant and he was no longer needed. To top it all off, his doctor’s office called with his test results; Doug had herpes. Probably from the phys-ed teacher.

And so Doug was pounding shots of tequila between sobs. A man sitting at the other end of the bar watched him intently for a few minutes before weaving his way carefully to Doug’s stool.

“Buddy, you look like you’re having a hell of a day,” he slurred.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Doug replied, sniffling.

“Let me cheer you up,” the man said. “I want to show you something.”

The drunk man led Doug over to a window and pointed to the alley four floors below. He explained that the way the buildings were built allowed a thermal to rush up the alley whenever a subway train went by underground. This thermal, the man insisted, was so powerful that it would hold a man in the air and gently lower him to the ground as it dissipated.

“So basically, you’d feel like you were flying,” the man finished.

Doug expressed his disbelief and the man said he’d prove it. He waited until a train rumbled by and leaped out the window. Unbelievably, the man hovered serenely just outside the window before floating slowly toward the ground. As he regained his footing, he looked up at Doug and yelled, “Now you try it!”

Doug waited a few minutes until he could hear a train. He climbed up onto the window sill, took a deep breath, jumped… and plummeted to his death on the concrete below, screaming all the way.

A waitress happened to be walking by and poked her head out the window only to see the drunk man standing over Doug’s spattered remains, giggling to himself. She grimaced and called down to him, “Superman, you are SUCH a prick when you’re drinking.”

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blonde handyman

2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 21st, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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monster clash

2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 20th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

monster clash monster clash

 monster clash
 monster clash

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Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active

5 votes, average: 2.00 out of 55 votes, average: 2.00 out of 55 votes, average: 2.00 out of 55 votes, average: 2.00 out of 55 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5 (5 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 20th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

# Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.

# Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.

# Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of “denture-burn.”

# Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.

# Granny found cuffed to her walker.

# Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.

# Your “Grandma” is Anna Nicole Smith.

# You’ve just seen the photos in the “Beaver Hunt” section of Hustler.

# Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa’s crotch and claps twice.

# Kraft-matic Adjustable Bed set for “doggy style.”

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Bob was in trouble

7 votes, average: 4.14 out of 57 votes, average: 4.14 out of 57 votes, average: 4.14 out of 57 votes, average: 4.14 out of 57 votes, average: 4.14 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 4.14 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 19th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

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it’s on like a prawn who yawns at dawn

7 votes, average: 2.86 out of 57 votes, average: 2.86 out of 57 votes, average: 2.86 out of 57 votes, average: 2.86 out of 57 votes, average: 2.86 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 2.86 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 19th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

its on like a prawn who yawns at dawn it’s on like a prawn who yawns at dawn

 it’s on like a prawn who yawns at dawn
 it’s on like a prawn who yawns at dawn

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charitable lawyer

7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 18th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

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I’m on a boat

4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 18th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

im on a boat1 I’m on a boat

 I’m on a boat
 I’m on a boat

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Escaped Prisoner’s Choice

7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 57 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 18th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

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gummy bear trap

2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 17th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

gummy bear trap gummy bear trap

 gummy bear trap
 gummy bear trap

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Jackass Truck Driver

2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 16th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

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Professional Advise

4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5 (4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 15th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

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Drink

3 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 53 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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drink Drink rss post

 Drink rss post
 Drink rss post

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Rude Conductor

8 votes, average: 4.50 out of 58 votes, average: 4.50 out of 58 votes, average: 4.50 out of 58 votes, average: 4.50 out of 58 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (8 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 14th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”

The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

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don’t mess with clouds

5 votes, average: 3.00 out of 55 votes, average: 3.00 out of 55 votes, average: 3.00 out of 55 votes, average: 3.00 out of 55 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5 (5 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 14th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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dont mess with clouds don’t mess with clouds interesting

 don’t mess with clouds interesting
 don’t mess with clouds interesting

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Lifestyle Acronyms

2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 13th, 2009 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says ” I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know… Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.”

The second guy says “I’m a D.I.N.K, you know… Double Income, No Kids.”

The third guy says, ” I’m a R.U.B, you know… Rich, Urban, Biker.”

They turn to the woman and ask her, ” What are you? ”

She replies: ” I’m a WIFE, you know…
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”

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blame it on the rain

3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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blame it on the rain blame it on the rain interesting

 blame it on the rain interesting
 blame it on the rain interesting

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