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New Internet-Fight

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Posted in Affiliate Program on October 10th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

I forgot I even had this site, but I added a new poll to “internet-fight”:

Tiki just got dumped because…

A helping hand

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Posted in Affiliate Program on October 4th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A rich man is driving down the highway and he see’s a man in the median eating handfuls of grass, he tell his driver to pull over and he yells to the man, “What are you doing there?”

The man says, “I am broke and hungry and this is the best I can find.”

The rich guy says, “Come with me and I can help!”

The poor man says, “But what about my wife?”

The rich guy says, “She can come too!”

The poor man says, “But my children are just up the road, what about them?”

The rich guy, reluctantly say’s, “They can come too”.

The poor man says “How about my aunt and uncle, and sisters?”

To which the rich guys replies,

“Just how big do you think my lawn is?”

via Bits and Pieces.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

crafty old man

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Posted in Affiliate Program on October 1st, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over… ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000? the jeweler said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it..’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, ‘by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,’ he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man..

‘There’s no money in that account.’

‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about my weekend!’

via Bits and Pieces.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

A husband and wife are watching a TV show about psychology…

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 27th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A husband and wife are watching a TV show about psychology and the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The husband says to the wife, Honey, thats a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time. She said:

Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Orange Head

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 24th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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It’s business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.

The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the attention of every woman in the joint, despite having an orange for a head.

The bartender is not a man to pry, but he feels compelled to ask about this man’s life.

"Excuse me," says the bartender, "I can’t help but notice that you’re obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistable to women, but you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"

So the man told his story.

"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would give me three wishes.

"For my first wish I asked for an unlimited fortune. The genie said ‘It is done!’ and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there.

"For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted.

"For my third wish — and, this is the bit where I kinda fucked up — I asked for an orange for a head."

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

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Dirty Mortician Humor

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 18th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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One day as a director of a funeral home is finishing up some paperwork the mortician runs into his office.

"You got to come quick!" the mortician says, flailing his arms in the air.

With haste the director leaps out from his chair and frantically follows the mortician to the room where the bodies are prepared.

"There," the mortician says, pointing at the body of a woman, "in her vagina. There seems to be a jumbo shrimp. Isn’t that peculiar?"

The director puts his glasses on and takes a closer look. Upon inspection the director replies, "That’s no jumbo shrimp. That’s her clitoris."

Baffled and embarrassed by such an error the mortician replies, "Sure tasted like jumbo shrimp."

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

My favorite sexual position is the JFK

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 17th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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My favorite sexual position is the JFK.

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Coma Sex

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 16th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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A husband and wife get in a car accident. Husband’s okay other than some scrapes and bruises, but wife falls into a coma. For weeks the husband sits by her side in the hospital. One night, though he feels bad about it, he starts getting horny. He reaches over, slides his hand under her gown, runs his hand slowly up her thigh, but pulls it back suddenly when he notices the beeping heart monitor pick up pace.

The next day he takes the doctor aside and tells him. "Interesting," the doctor says, "She’s responding. Maybe try more tonight? Maybe oral sex?" The husband still thinks it’s a little wrong, but agrees to try it.

That night, a Code Blue rings out in the halls. Nurses rush in to revive the flatlining wife. The husband stands outside, stunned, when the doctor pulls him aside and asks "What happened? Did you try the oral sex?"

"Yes," says the husband, blankly.

"Well, what happened?" the doctor asks.

The husband answers, "Well, she just started choking."

via ripperbard comments on Most fucked up joke you know?.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

three pregnant women

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 15th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one…”What was that?”, the other two ask, curiously.”Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby”, she replies, patting her stomach affectionately.

Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting…5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..”What was that?”, the other two enquire.”Vitamin tablet”, she replies, “Good for mommy, good for little baby” and she pats her stomach affectionately.

All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting…5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..”What was that?” ask the other two.”Thalidomide. I can’t knit sleeves…”

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

You can’t say happiness…

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 12th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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You can’t say happiness without penis.

via Naughty Bits.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

A man dies and goes to Hell

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 7th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A man dies and goes to Hell where he is greeted by the devil:

Devil: Hey, whatcha lookin so down for?

Man: If you died and went to Hell, you’d be feeling down too!

Devil: Hell ain’t what you think it is. It’s fun down here. Say, do you drink?

Man: Sure, I love to drink. Why?

Devil: Well, you”re gonna love Mondays then. Because on Mondays, all we do here is drink. Hell, we have whiskey, tiquila, rum, vodka, all the booze you wanna drink. We drink til we puke and then we drink some more.

Man: Ah, that sounds great.

Devil: Do you smoke?

Man: Damn right I do.

Devil: Cool! You”re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world. Smoke all you want. You don”t have to worry about getting cancer because you”re already dead anyways, haha.

Man: No shit!

Devil: You like gambling?

Man: Hell yeah!

Devil: Great! On Wednesdays, we have gambling night here in Hell. We have slot machines, roulette, craps, black jack, hold-em, a dog track, horse racing, you name it we got it and we just recently opened up a new pai gow poker table.

Man: Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I never played pai gow poker before.

Devil: Now you can. You like to get stoned?

Man: I love getting stoned! You mean…

Devil: That”s right man, because on Thursdays, it’s stoner night here in Hell! Help yourself to a huge bowl of crack, smoke a joint the size of a nuclear sub, do all the drugs you want and you don”t have to worry about overdosing because you”re already dead anyhow.

Man: Awesome! I never thought Hell was one swinging place!

Devil: Are you gay?

Man: Uh, no.

Devil: Oooh, you’re gonna hate Fridays!

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

No sex since 1955

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 7th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.” “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.” The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?” “1955, ma’am.” “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.” The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”

via funny.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Fangtasia

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Posted in Affiliate Program on September 2nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

e57ea fangtasia Fangtasia

 Fangtasia

 Fangtasia
 Fangtasia

from Shirt-Fight.com

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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife…

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 30th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

crab cakes & football – that’s what maryland does!

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 30th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

579d8 crabcakes and football thats what maryland does crab cakes & football – that’s what maryland does!

 crab cakes & football – that’s what maryland does!

 crab cakes & football – that’s what maryland does!
 crab cakes & football – that’s what maryland does!

from Shirt-Fight.com

Please comment on this shirt!

do you want to see what’s under my shirt

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 29th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

4a45e fuck off shirt do you want to see what’s under my shirt

 do you want to see what’s under my shirt

 do you want to see what’s under my shirt
 do you want to see what’s under my shirt

from Shirt-Fight.com

Please comment on this shirt!

A Man Dies And Goes To Hell

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 28th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A man dies and goes to hell. He is sitting around on a piece of brimstone depressed. The devil walks by and asks him what is wrong.

The man says, “What do you mean what is wrong? I’m dead! I’m in hell! I’m depressed, ok?”

The devil says, “Look we get a lot of bad press down here, things aren’t as bad as they appear. Let me ask you, do you like to eat?”

The man says, “Sure, everyone likes to eat.”

The devil says, “You are going to love Monday’s! Best gourmet food, fast food, anything you want! Eat as much as you want! What’s going to happen? Heart attack? You’re dead already.”

The man says, “Well, that’s not so bad.”

Then the devil asks him, “Do you like to drink? The mans replies, “well, sure.”

The devil says, “You’re going to love Tuesday! Best wine, scotch whiskey, bourbon, anything you want! Drink until you pass out, sober up and drink again. What’s going to happen? Psoriasis of the liver? Your dead, you’re here man!”

Then the devil asks the man, “Do you like to gamble?” the man says, “Well yea, sometimes. “

The devil says, “Wednesdays! You are really going to enjoy Wednesdays! Blackjack, poker, slot machines, anything you want! Bet a million on the horses; lose a million, who cares! You ain’t going bankrupt, you dead! You’re in hell!”

The man is getting pretty excited by now and says, “Man, this is sounding pretty good!”

The devil than ask, “Do you like to do drugs?” The man looks a bit sheepish and says, “Well, sometimes”. The devil says, “Man, Thursdays are your days! Snort cocaine, shoot up heroine, and smoke a joint the size of a submarine, whatever you want! What’s going to happen? You going to overdose and die? You are here already!”

The man is jumping up and down with excitement; “this is like Las Vegas on steroids!” he says!

The devil said, “Yep, told you, we get a lot of bad press down here”.

The devil then asks, “Um, are you gay?”

The man says, “Well, no, I’m not”.

The devil says, “Oh man, you may hate Fridays”.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

No Grenade Zone

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 28th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

651f1 no grenade zone No Grenade Zone

 No Grenade Zone

 No Grenade Zone
 No Grenade Zone

from Shirt-Fight.com

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Japanese Whales

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 27th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

Two whales are swimming about the ocean, suddenly one of them spots a Japanese whaling ship.

“There are those bastards that killed my mother” The whale says. “let’s get them!”

“How are we going to do that?” says the other whale.

“Easy, we both swim underneath them, position our blow holes beneath their stern, take a deep breath and our water spouts will capsize them”.

So off go both the whales to enact their plan, and a few minutes later the ship has capsized and all the sailors are floating about in the ocean.

“That was great!”, says the first whale really excited, “let’s go over there and eat the sailors!”

“absolutely not!” says the second whale, “I don’t mind giving them a blow job but I’m definitely not swallowing the seamen”

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Try my soup

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Posted in Affiliate Program on August 26th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A guy at a restaurant calls his waiter over.

“Try my soup.”

The waiter is confused.

“Is your soup too hot?”

“Try my soup.”

“Is your soup too cold?”

“Try my soup.”

“Is there a fly in your soup?”

“Just try my soup!”

The waiter, tired of the guessing game, gives in.

“Okay fine, I’ll try your soup!”

The waiter tries the soup. It’s warm instead of hot, and a bit too sour, but seems fine. Halfway through, he finds a roach in the bowl, and throws up.

“Oh god, there’s a roach in your soup!”

“I know, it made me puke too.”

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com


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