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the elephant’s trunk

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Posted in Affiliate Program on January 4th, 2011 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what’s that long thing on the elephant?"

"That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.

"No, Mom. Down underneath."

His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that’s nothing."

The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.

"That’s the elephant’s trunk, son."

"Dad, I know what an elephant’s trunk is. The thing down there."

The father says, "Oh, that’s the elephant’s penis."

"Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"

The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Well son, here’s the truth. I’ve really spoiled that woman."

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

I don’t understand irony

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Posted in Affiliate Program on January 2nd, 2011 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

"My friend told me I don’t understand irony, which was ironic because, at the time, we were waiting for the bus."

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

SQL query walks into a bar

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Posted in Affiliate Program on January 1st, 2011 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

SQL query walks into a bar; He approachs 2 tables and asks, "May I join you?" Bartender screams over, "Not before I get your keys!"

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

fast talker

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 31st, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager found the boy and said “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.

The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Really!” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada!”

The boy replied, “No shit??? Who did she play for?”

via What is your all time favourite joke EVER? : AskReddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

I put the man in roMANce

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 21st, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

romance t shirt I put the man in roMANce

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shoe repair shop

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 20th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

I worked in a shoe repair shop. I was usually in the backroom jerking off

the soles of worn out shoes, but once in a while I got to handle some jugs

of dye we used. My boss was so cheap. He made me twist his nipples off

the old bottles and use them on the new ones. One time I saw his junk

pile of old shoe parts crawling with rats. Worst summer ever!

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Looks like pacman

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 20th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

learninggraphs400 Looks like pacman

 Looks like pacman

 Looks like pacman
 Looks like pacman

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Deez Teez 20% coupon

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 18th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites
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xmasg3 Deez Teez 20% coupon interesting

20% if you use the code “xmasdeal”

Use it wisely?

Grandma still drives

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 14th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’

‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

via Bits and Pieces.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Baby planes

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 13th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago . The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, ‘If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?’

The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, ‘If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?’

The busy flight attendant smiled and said, ‘Did your mother tell you to ask me?’

The boy said, ‘Yes, she did.’

‘Well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. And ask her to explain that to you.’

via Baby planes « Naughty Bits.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Dog math

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 9th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.

“So,” says the farmer. “How many sheep were there?”

“40,” replies the dog.

“How can there be 40?” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”

“I know,” says the dog. “But I rounded them up.”

via Bits and Pieces.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Dog math « Bits and Pieces

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 9th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.

“So,” says the farmer. “How many sheep were there?”

“40,” replies the dog.

“How can there be 40?” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”

“I know,” says the dog. “But I rounded them up.”

via Bits and Pieces.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Mario Ticket

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Posted in Affiliate Program on December 3rd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

80mph shirt Mario Ticket

 Mario Ticket

 Mario Ticket
 Mario Ticket

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Humping Reindeer Sweater

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 30th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

humping reindeer shirt Humping Reindeer Sweater

 Humping Reindeer Sweater

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A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz…

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 30th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, “What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?”

He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. “Miss Callahan!”  The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: “Professor, I’d rather not answer that question.

“The professor says, “That’s all right, Miss Callahan, you don’t need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?” He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. “Mr. Hawkins!”

Hawkins says, “Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that expands to ten times its normal size during periods of emotion and excitement.”

The professor says, “That is correct, Mr. Hawkins.” Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, “Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven’t studied this week’s assignment; and Two, I’m afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you.

via reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Dumbest kid in the world!

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 22nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over! “

via Dumbest kid in the world? « Bits and Pieces.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 22nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid. She thinks I’m following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is…purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it’s not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

via Reddit.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Mr Steal Yo Girl

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 20th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

mr steal yo girl Mr Steal Yo Girl

 Mr Steal Yo Girl

 Mr Steal Yo Girl
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Two Old Drunks

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 20th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “Ya’know, when
I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it, even using both
hands.”

“By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees, if I tried
really hard.”

By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no
problem.

“I’m gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one
hand.”

“So,” says the second drunk, “what’s your point?”

“Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Game Over

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Posted in Affiliate Program on November 19th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

game over pac man Game Over

 Game Over

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