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An X Walks Into A Bar…

3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on May 7th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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A sandwich walks into a bar. “Pint of your finest please” he says. To which the barman replies “Sorry sir, we don’t serve food”.

A Times New Roman walks into a bar. “Pint of your finest please” he says. To which the barman replies “Sorry sir, we don’t serve your type”.

A man with a pick axe and shovel walks into a bar. “Pint of your finest please” he says. To which the barman replies “Sorry sir, we don’t serve miners”.

A man walks into a bar with a goat. “Pint of your finest please,” he says. To which the barman replies, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve kids.”

A room-temperature superconductor walks into a bar. “Pint of your finest please.” To which the barman replies “Sorry, we don’t serve room-temperature superconductors.” So the room-temperature superconductor left with no resistance.

NASCAR walks into a bar. “Pint of your finest please.” To which the barman replies “Sorry, we don’t serve your race here.”

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar… and doesn’t.

An unending sequence of numbers walks into a bar. One of them exclaims “c is 1 today! Drinks to celebrate”. The bartender serves an infinite number of drinks and says, “Okay, you guys are set”.

The bartender asks “What would you like?”
A tachyon walks into a bar.

A mushroom walks into a bar. “Pint of your finest please,” he says. To which the barman replies, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve your kind.” The mushroom replies, “Why not? I’m a fun-guy!”

Robot walks into a bar. Orders a drink, lays down a bill. Bartender says, “Hey we don’t serve robots.” And the robot says, “No, but someday you will.”

A gold atom walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and yells.
“Aye, You! Get out of here!”

A Helium atom walks into a bar, and the bartender says to him
“I’m sorry, we don’t serve Helium here.”
But the Helium doesn’t react.

Two neutrinos go through a bar…

A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender angrily says “We don’t serve strings here!”

String: “But all I want is a drink!”

Bartender: “I said no strings!”

Dejectedly, the string goes outside. Thinking for a moment, the string then ruffles up his hair and around his feet. He then convulses and wraps himself around all crazy like. He then walks back into the bar.

The bartender is aghast. “Aren’t you the same string I just kicked out of here?”

“No, sir. I’m a frayed knot.”

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

MacGregor The…

1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on May 6th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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An old Scot and a young Scot were sitting in the pub talking. The old man says to the young man; “Son, look out the window. You see that stone fence stretchin’ out ‘cross the moor as far as yer eye can see? Well I built that fence with me own two hands. But, do they call me MacGregor the fence builder? Nooooo.”

“Now ya take a look up at the bar. See the perfectly constructed thing of beauty stretchin’ across this great hall? Well, I built that bar with me own two hands. But, do they call me MacGregor the bar builder? Noooo.”

“Now take a look toward the sea. Do you see that magnificent pier, sturdy and straight, unmoving againt the sea and all her wrath? Well, I built that pier with me own two hands. But, do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? Noooo.”

Then MacGregor leans in close to the young man and whispers….

“But ya fuck one goat…”

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

Six Foot Penquin

2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on May 5th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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Guy runs into a bar in a panic. “Does anybody here own a six-foot penguin?” he asks. Everybody shakes their heads no. “Well shit!” says the guy, “I think I just ran over a nun.”

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

desperate lieutenant

1 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on May 4th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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The new lieutenant arrived at the Foreign Legion camp in the desert and after settling in inspected his men and whatever. But after a few weeks in the desert the lieutenant was getting a little desperate for companionship and asked the sarge, “What do we do way out here when we… uh… you know… when we need to get a little relief?” The sarge looked at him and said “Oh.. relief… sure… well, we have this camel tied out back of the big tent and …” and the lieutenant interrupted “Say no more, Sarge… I know what to do” and proceeded to go out back behind the tent and have his way with the camel tied there.

After a few minutes a crowd began to form and the lieutenant looked up and asked the men what they were staring at. “Isn’t this how it’s done?” he asked. The sarge looked at him and said “Well, no… usually the men just ride the camel into town where the women are”.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

A woman walks up to a bartender and asks for

2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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Posted in Affiliate Program on May 3rd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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A woman walks up to a bartender and asks for a Double Entendre, so he gives it to her.

reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

  • with great moustache comes great responsibility

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on May 2nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    with great moustache comes great responsibility


    from Shirt-Fight.com

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    Telling a blonde joke to blondes

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on May 2nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A blind man walks into a bar and orders a pint. While the bartender is pouring it he says, “Want to hear a joke?” and she says, “OK.”

    He starts: “So there’s this blonde…”

    “Okay, hold on” says the bartender. “I can see you’re blind so I’m gonna do you a favour here. Just so you know, I’m a blonde. The manager is a blonde. The bouncer is a blonde, and there’s a good friend of mine by the window there, she’s a black belt in karate, she’s a blonde too. There’s a couple of biker chicks at a table nearby, both blondes.

    “So, you just have a think about that and ask yourself: do you really want to tell that joke?”

    She gives him his drink. “Well, uh, I guess not,” he says. “I don’t wanna have to explain it six times.”

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    All Puns Intended

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on May 2nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

    6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

    7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’”
    “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

    “Is it common?”
    “Well, ‘It’s Not Unusual.’”

    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.
    “It’s true; no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

    11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know, I amputated your arms!”

    13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
    “But why,” they asked, as they moved off.
    “Because,” he said. “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

    18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named ‘Ahmal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

    19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)… a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

    21. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    you had me at get lost

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on May 1st, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    you had me at get lost


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    What’s the difference between a priest and pimple?

    1 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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    Q: What’s the difference between a priest and pimple?
    A: Pimples don’t come on your face till you’re 13.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    Expensive Scotch

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 30th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A guy walks into a bar and says “What kind of scotch have you got?”

    The bartender says “I have the finest scotch in the world!, but it’s very expensive, it costs about 300 dollars a glass, but you have to do some other things first before you are allowed to have it”

    The guy says, “What do I have to do?”

    The bartender replies, “well, In addition to the 300 dollars, there is a woman upstairs who has never had an orgasm her entire life, AND, there is a native silverback gorrilla out back that has a very serious back problem, If you can give the woman an orgasm, AND cure the gorilla of its back problem, you can have the scotch”

    The guy says “You’ve got a deal!” And with that, he places 300 dollars on the table and triuphantly strides out back. He is out there for almost an hour, people can hear grunting, and the sounds of the intense physical strain of the man trying to cure the gorilla. After a very long time of wrestling with it, the man comes back into the bar, his shirt ripped to shreds and covered in bruises

    “Alright!” he says, “Now where’s that woman with the back problem?”

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    dude

    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 30th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    dude


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    What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid?

    3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 29th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid?

    Wanna buy some candy?

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    happy meal

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    happy meal


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    A man was at a bar….

    4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 28th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A man was at a bar one night and saw a beautiful redhead sitting in the booth opposite him. After about 5 minutes, he got up the guts to go talk to her. Just as he sat down, she sneezed and her glass eye flew out from her socket.

    On reflex, the guy shot out his arm and caught her eye and gave it back to her. They started talking and the redhead invited the man to go to a movie with her, then go back to her place for a nightcap. In the morning, she cooked him a big breakfast of bacon and eggs and the man said, “Why are you being incredibly nice to me? Is this the way you treat all men who start talking to you?”

    The redhead replied, “No, you just happened to catch my eye!”

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    pants on the ground

    2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 52 votes, average: 3.00 out of 52 votes, average: 3.00 out of 52 votes, average: 3.00 out of 52 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    pants on the ground


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    Superior Blowjob

    3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    A man feels lonely one night, so he calls an escort service. When the girl arrives, she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. He asks her for a blowjob. She smiles. “All right baby, I give the best blowjobs in the country. There’s just one thing: I can only do it in the dark.” The man gets pretty excited. He sits down on his armchair and turns off the lamp next to him, plunging the room into darkness. He hears some fumbling, and pretty soon shes going at it. She’s right; it’s the best blowjob in the country.

    The next day he calls her again and asks her to come over. He sits back in his armchair and turns off the lamp. It’s better than the first time. He can’t believe how good it is. He wonders how the hell she’s doing it. So the next day he calls her again, determined to find out her technique. When she’s blowing him for the third time in darkness, he reaches his hand out to turn on his lamp, but knocks a small round object off the table. He turns on the lamp to find a glass eye on the floor.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    Spilt BBs

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 27th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A woman is cooking a pot of soup for her family when she accidentally bumps into a shelf next to the stove, spilling a large container of BB’s into the soup. Rather than take the time to fish them out, she serves the soup to her family.

    Later that night, her husband comes over and says “Honey, guess what? I just pissed BB’s!”

    A short time later her daughter comes over and says “Mom, guess what? I just pissed BB’s!”

    A short time after that her son comes over and says “Mom, guess what?”

    “Let me guess. You pissed BB’s” the mother says.

    “No,” the son says, “I was jacking off and I shot the cat.”

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    the head foundation – please give generously

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    the head foundation - please give generously


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    How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 26th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    2, one to change the lightbulb and 1 to hold the cock…I mean father….I mean ladder.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    robots in disguise

    3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 53 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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    robots in disguise


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    Why don’t you ever see black people on a cruise?

    1 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 25th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    Why don’t you ever see black people on a cruise?

    Because they fell for that trick once before.

    via What are your best dirty jokes? GO! : AskReddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    I’m kind of a big deal – people know me

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 25th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    I'm kind of a big deal - people know me


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    not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 24th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    As she lay there dozing next to him, a voice inside his head kept saying, “Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.”But another voice kept reminding him, “Howard, you are a fuck’n veterinarian.”

    via Sat April 24 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    no shit, sherlock

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    no shit, sherlock


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    new words

    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 23rd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A Grade 5 Class is being asked 3 syllable words. Each kid is asked to stand up and say a word. 1st Kid – Banana, 2nd kid telephone…. etc

    Comes to Little Billy and he just doesn’t get it…. Teachers says:

    Your homework tonight is to learn a 3 syllable word and tell us before we start class tomorrow.

    Next Day the Teacher asks Billy:

    Billy stands up and says: “Contagious”

    Teacher is floored….. “Where did you learn that word?”

    Billy: Last night during the snow storm, my mom was outside shoveling…. My Dad looked out the window and said:

    “It is gonna take that Contagious!”

    via AskReddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    tiger is a cheetah

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 23rd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    tiger is a cheetah


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    a murderer, masohist, sadist, necrophiliac and pyromaniac are siting together

    2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 22nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    So a murderer, masochist, sadist, necrophiliac and pyromaniac are siting together and the sadist says: “Hey let’s get a cat and torture it!”, and the murderer says: “Ok, let’s torture a cat and then kill it!”, so the pyromaniac says:”Great, let’s torture a cat, then kill it, and then burn it!” and then the necrophiliac says:”Yeah ok, but let’s torture the cat, then kill it, then burn it, and then fuck it!”, to which the masochist replies:”Meow”

    via AskReddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    I’m starting my diet tomorrow

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 22nd, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    I'm starting my diet tomorrow


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    assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly…..He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

    “I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend we’re married.”

    “Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.

    “Good,” she replied. “Get your own fucking blanket.”

    After a moment of silence, he farted.

    via What are your best dirty jokes? GO! : AskReddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    You ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-make me happy

    1 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 21st, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    simple jack ya’ll.


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    cab driver revenge

    3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 53 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 20th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A man is in Las Vegas and losing his ass. He cannot win anything, and before he knows it, he has absolutely no money left. The only thing he does have is his plane ticket home, but he has no way to the airport.

    He walks out of the casino and sees a solitary cab with the cabby leaning against it. He walks over and asks the driver if there’s any way he could just take him to the airport. He swears that he will wire the cabby the money the moment he gets home, but the cabby is a total dick.

    “You know how many fucking losers I deal with everyday that give me that bullshit story? Fuck you ya piece of shit. Get away from me before I call the cops”, the shithead cabby says.

    Well, the guy walks half way to the airport, finally thumbs a ride, and gets home.

    He has an outstanding year in business and makes a killing in the market.

    Almost a year to the day, he goes back to the same casino where he previously lost his ass, but this time he kills. He cannot lose. Blackjack, slots, you name it, and he's kickin’ it’s ass.

    When it’s finally time to go, he walks out of the casino and sees a line of about 5 cabs. As he looks down the row, he sees that same asshole that gave him such a hard time the previous year, leaning against his cab at the end of the cab line.

    He goes up to the nearest cabby and says, “How much for a ride to the airport?”

    The cabby says $10.

    The guy says, “OK. How about I give you an extra $2 and you suck my cock?”

    The cabby nearly hits him, and tells him to get the hell out of there before he calls the cops.

    So the guy goes to the next cab and the next cab, and so on, asking the same thing, “How much for a ride to the airport…how about I give you an extra $2 to suck my dick?”, and each time he gets told to go away.

    Finally, the guy comes to the shithead cab driver from last year, and says, “How much for a ride to the airport?”, to which the cabby says $10.

    So without another word, the guy hops in the cab.

    As the cab is pulling past the other cab drivers, the guy holds up 2 $1 bills against the side window, smiles and gives the other cab drivers the thumbs up.

    via AskReddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    Johnny Chimpo

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 20th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    From the hit movie "super troopers"!


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    What’s the best things about being married to a Panda?

    1 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 51 vote, average: 2.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 19th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    What’s the best things about being married to a Panda?

    No-one notices the black eyes.

    And you get to fuck a Panda.

    via AskReddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    this is my halloween costume

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    this is my halloween costume


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    Secret Code

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Secret Code

    After a President has been in office for 1 year it is customary for the last President to send a note of congratulations to the new one.

    So yesterday when the note came from Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was:

    370H-SSV-0773H

    This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged.

    So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it.

    They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note.

    Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House.

    They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message.

    Now there was complete panic in the Oval Office.

    They called all of their contacts in the media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come up with an answer.

    A special emergency meeting was called by the staff.

    All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code.

    After a sleepless night, a now humbled President Obama picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note.

    George Bush chuckled and replied: ‘Bud, you’re holding it upside down!’

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    No that’s Wales

    4 votes, average: 4.50 out of 54 votes, average: 4.50 out of 54 votes, average: 4.50 out of 54 votes, average: 4.50 out of 54 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (4 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 18th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    An American visits Edinburgh. Of course he soon finds himself in a pub talking to a Scotsman.

    The American is very complimentary about Scotland, giving more and more reasons why he loves the country and the Scottish people. As the drinks flow, the reasons for admiration become more and more outrageous. Eventually he says one of the reasons why he loves Scotland is because the men are brave enough to shag sheep.

    The Scotsman replies “No that’s Wales”.

    “My god!” answers the American “Do you stick it in the blow hole?”

    via A Scotsman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says… : funny.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    humping reindeer

    2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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    humping reindeer


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    Two Welshmen, two Scots, and two Englishmen are stranded on a desert island

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Two Welshmen, two Scots, and two Englishmen are stranded on a desert island. When they’re finally rescued ten years later, the Scots have built a distillery but are still arguing over whose round it is, the Welshmen have formed a close harmony choir, and the Englishmen are still waiting to be formally introduced.

    via reddit

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    goosfraba

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    goosfraba


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    A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman are caught drunk out of their skulls in Saudi Arabia

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 16th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman are caught drunk out of their skulls in Saudi Arabia and are dragged before the Sultan. Angrily the Sultan tells them

    “Although the penalty is usually death for such a heinous act, today is a day of the celeration of honesty so I will spare your lives. Instead I will give you 20 lashes from our most horrible whip. Yet I still feel sympathy for you on this holy day so I will give you each one item to strap to your back.”

    The Irishman thinks about it and chooses a pillow. They lead him to the post, tie a pillow to his back and start whipping away. After 5 whips the pillow bursts and the Irishman takes 15 whips on his back. He returns to the men crying his eyes out and begging them to choose wisely.

    The Englishman steps forward and chooses the lid from a barrel. Again he's led away and has it tied to his back. 10 whips in the barrel lid smashes and he receives 10 whips to his back. He returns to the Scotsman and wipes the tears from his eyes, begging his friend to choose better.

    The Scotsman steps forward to the Sultan and says “Oh mighty Sultan, as today is a day of honesty I have to tell the truth. I drank the most out of all of my friends and it was my idea to drink in this country. It is I who should receive the most whips.”

    The Sultan smiles and says “My friend this is truly a moment of heroic proportions from you. I will however have to increase your punishment to 100 lashes from the whip. I will still let you choose something to be tied to your back however”

    “Thank you Sultan, I choose the Englishman”

    via reddit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    my new years resolutions is to stop drinking

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    my new years resolutions is to stop drinking


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    I just cut a big one

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 15th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    I just cut a big one


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    lucky bunny

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 14th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    lucky bunny


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    yo, bartender, jobu needs a refill

    1 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 51 vote, average: 4.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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    yo, bartender, jobu needs a refill


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    A story with a moral

    2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 52 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 11th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories… There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left.

    ‘Ernie, do you have a story to share?’

    ‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

    She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.’

    ‘Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

    ‘Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.’

    via A story with a moral « Bits & Pieces.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    ask me about my zombie shirt

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    ask me about my zombie shirt


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    beer

    0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 50 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5 (0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 10th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    beer


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    preganent blonde

    1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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    Posted in Affiliate Program on April 9th, 2010 by | Report This Post | FavoriteLoadingClick to Add to favorites
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    A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the fuck, and started jumping up and down with her. She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!” He said, “Great, tell me what you’re so happy about!” She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant! He kissed her and told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier!” Then, she said, “Oh, honey, there’s more!” He asked, “What do you mean, ‘more?’” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!” Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!”

    via Fri April 9 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

    reposted from www.TikiHumor.com

    you’ve been detected on my gaydar

    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    you've been detected on my gaydar


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