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As a 100 year old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-280. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Herman, “it’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

from TikiHumor.com

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Sokka from Avatar, Shikamaru from Naruto, I dont care what the confrontation is, I just wanna see it.

from Drawfor.me. Go there and submit an image. If you have an account on MCS, it’ll work there too.

# Audi

* Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

# BMW

* Big Money Works
* Bought My Wife
* Brutal Money Waster
* Bimbette Motor Weapon
* Break My Window

# Buick

* Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

# Chevrolet

* Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
* Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

# Dodge

* Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
* Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
* Dead or Dying Gas Eater
* Dear Old Dad’s Geriatric Express

# Fiat

* Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
* Fix It All the Time
* Fix it again, Tony!

# Ford

* First On Recall Day
* First On Race Day
* First On Rust and Deterioration
* Fix Or Repair Daily
* Found On Road, Dead
* Fault Of R&D
* Fast Only Rolling Downhill
* Features O.J. and Ron’s DNA
* Found On Russian Dump

# GM

* General Maintenance
* Great Mistake

# GMC

* Garage Man’s Companion
* Got A Mechanic Coming?

# Honda

* Had One Never Did Again

# Hyundai

* Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive

# Mazda

* Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

# Oldsmobile

* Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
* Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular Leftover Equipment

# Pinto

* Put In New Transmission Often

# Pontiac

* Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks It’s A Cadillac

# Saab

* Send Another Automobile Back
* Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
* Sorry Arsed Auto Builders

# Toyota

* Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

# Volvo

* Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
* Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners

# VW

* Virtually Worthless

from TikiHumor.com

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from Shirt-Fight.com

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A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”

from TikiHumor.com

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I want to see some bad ass creations using nothing but MS Paint as your tool. The term “bad ass” is meant to be loose … so I want to see Chuck Norris as the Mona Lisa, I wanna see some explosions, robo-dinosaurs, space ninjas … whatever! Just make it bad ass!

Example of potential MS Paint badassery:

http://bored-bored.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/jack-sparrow-paint.jpg

from Drawfor.me. Go there and submit an image. If you have an account on MCS, it’ll work there too.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I want to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

“Darn, he recognized me,” she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and perm, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

“I’d like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

from TikiHumor.com

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“This should be taken care of right away.”
I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

“Welllllll, what have we here…?”
He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.

“Let me check your medical history.”
I want to see if you paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

“Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.”
I’m playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time..or..I need the bucks, so I’m charging you for another office visit.

“I have some good news and some bad news.”
The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.

“Let’s see how it develops.”
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

“Let me schedule you for some tests.”
I have 40% interest in the lab.

“I’d like to have my associate look at you.”
He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

“I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

“That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”
I think I’m going to throw up.

“This may smart a little.”
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

“Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we…?”
I’m stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

“This should fix you up.”
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

“Everything seems to be normal.”
Rats! I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

“I’d like to run some more tests.”
I can’t figure out what’s wrong maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

“Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?”
You’re crazier’n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who’ll split fees with me…”

“There is a lot of that going around.”
My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.

“If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.”
I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week!

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