How to ruin a perfect sandwich

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Jimmy Johns recently posted this picture to their facebook page and the amount of rage inside of me is incalculable.  I’ve asked various places to not do this with the meat, but neither Publix nor JJ seem to have any idea what I’m asking about or why I’m so upset about how poorly they’re doing their sandwiches.  Subway is hit or miss, but normally they put the meats and veg on separate sides of the split bread, which is how god intended sandwiches to be made.

See how the meat is wrapping around the toppings? That’s a piss poor method of making a sandwich, the first bit you take from the left side will make all the toppings fall out the right side.  The only way to prevent this is to jam your fingers into the sandwich as you bit into it to push everything back in, then continue to finger bang your meal until you’re down to the last drop, which is when you’ll find out they’ve only given you a single god damn napkin.

Fucking sandwiches are delicious though, so I keep going back and suffering this pain.  I’ve had to be sure to properly sanitize my hands and have extra napkins on hand if I do eat from them.

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    8 Responses to How to ruin a perfect sandwich

    1. A good sandwich (just like a good pizza) is an exercise in restraint. You may have the best ingredients but if you put too much stuff in it it’ll fall apart and eating it will turn into a plate and fork affair. IMHO you should be able to eat a sandwich and have your hands and the table clean afterwards, otherwise just make a fucking salad.

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    2. I don’t see the problem, if all that green stuff falls out = perfect!

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    3. Wow. I’ve never seen such a heated comment or ensuing debate about ‘fucking’ sandwiches. I love each and every one of you.

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    4. This must be one of them first world problems.
      Or at least problems of people who are too lazy to make their own sandwiches, but will happily and lengthly rant about how the sandwich that was made by someone else, isn’t what they wanted.

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      • It’s just that when I’m out and about and need a bite to eat, I’d like to eat at a place that has good food, which JJ’s does have good food. They just make it wrong, so totally wrong.

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    5. Maybe if he ate the damn thing open-side-up the way you’re supposed to, he wouldn’t have this problem.

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