Acting With Hitler In 9 Simple Stages.

Thinking of becoming an insane, vegetarian, fascist dictator or just playing one in a a movie? Well, you’ve come to the right place. In just NEIN! steps, I, Adolf Hitler, will guide you through the necessary dramaturgical poses necessary to achieve your goal.

Pose 1 – Holding an imaginary cigar. I don’t like holding real cigars. They remind me of Churchill…Churchill with his brandy and his cigars and his rotten painting! I was a painter! An entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!

Pose 2 – Pull my finger…

Pose 3 – Cupping my only imaginary ball…I mean balls. I’ve got two you know. And they’re not just imaginary. Oh no. They’re very real.

Pose 4 – Much the same as 3 really. I don’t know why I bothered.

Pose 5 – The ‘Al Jolson’ pleading pose. Needs to be alternated with hand clasping…Wait a minute. Jolson’s a Black Jew. I need to think this through.

Pose 6 – The ‘Bela Lugosi’ hand flex. The ladies love it.

Pose 7 – The ‘King Kong’. Hold in reserve for clinging to the top of very high buildings.

Pose 8 – The ‘Isadora Duncan’. I know it’s degenerate but it’s useful at parties.

Pose 9 – I’m having a fucking heart attack! Call 911!

There! Now you’re fully prepared to take on the challenging role of The Fuhrer. Good luck, but remember, Tomorrow Belongs To Me, so no funny business.