Give me your most terrible puns please, I’m making a sheet to tear them from.
I need tearable puns
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38 Responses to I need tearable puns
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July 17, 2012 at 2:57 am
a backwards poet writes inverse……..if you dont pay your exorcist you get repossessed…….no matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll be stationary….two peanuts walked in to a bar…one was a salted….a dyslexic man walked in to a bra..what do you call a fish with no eye’s? a fsh.
July 17, 2012 at 7:59 am
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
July 17, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Bill Bailey! Also: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTU_RluZvBw
July 17, 2012 at 1:29 pm
The professor realized her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
A will is a dead giveaway.
In today’s world of technology, paper calendar’s days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
Corduroy pillows are making head lines.
I once entered ten puns into a pun contest, hoping at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here.” The string is infuriated and storms out of the bar. He paces around and roughs up his hair, messes up the area around his feet, and then he goes all crazy-like and ties himself all up. Then he gets an idea and struts back in the bar and orders a drink, to which the bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the same string that was just in here?” To which the string replies, “No, sir. I’m a frayed knot.”
July 22, 2012 at 8:56 am
The dejected string visits a local psychologist. The room is filled with pictures of Sigmund Freud; books, papers, and even a plaster bust.
String asked, “Isn’t this a bit much?”
Psychologist replied, “No, sir. I’m a Freud Nut”.
July 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm
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July 17, 2012 at 3:06 pm
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July 17, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Two drums and a cymbal fall from a tree. Boom, boom tist.
July 17, 2012 at 6:02 pm
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July 17, 2012 at 7:13 pm
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July 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Wow. I laughed my ass off at a few of these. Why the low rating?
July 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm
casemods
July 17, 2012 at 10:51 pm
A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
July 18, 2012 at 8:28 am
Why do I get the feeling that Tiki has bought another domain?
July 18, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Pun 1:
There was a pun competition. I submitted 10 puns but the first one didn’t win, nor the second. In fact no pun in ten did.
Pun 2:
A pacific island chief used to visit all the tribes he controlled on a regular basis, and each of these tribes used to try and out do each other with gifts given to the chief. One of the tribes one day gave the chief a throne, which he really liked. Word soon spread that he liked the throne, so each tribe gave him a bigger and better throne. He had so many thrones he had to build a mezzanine floor in his grass hut. One night while he was sleeping the upper floor collapsed from the weight and crushed and killed the chief sleeping below it. The moral of the story is that people in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
July 18, 2012 at 12:20 pm
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July 19, 2012 at 2:40 am
Please no.
July 18, 2012 at 5:56 pm
2 baby seals walk in to a club
July 18, 2012 at 8:52 pm
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July 18, 2012 at 8:52 pm
horse walks into a bar. the bartenders ask “why the long face?”
a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says “you know we got a drink named after you” the grasshopper says “really? you got a drink named greg?”
July 18, 2012 at 10:07 pm
Bartender responds, “Oh, I thought your name was Grog. Never mind, then.”
July 19, 2012 at 8:30 am
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July 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Wise man say, Man who stands on toilet high on pot.
July 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Confucius
July 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm
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July 20, 2012 at 11:39 pm
Why the fuck would you post if you know it isn’t a pun? OP wants puns.
July 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Tiki:
Safe Browsing
Diagnostic page for nsfw.myconfinedspace.com
What is the current listing status for nsfw.myconfinedspace.com?
Site is listed as suspicious – visiting this web site may harm your computer.
Part of this site was listed for suspicious activity 1 time(s) over the past 90 days.
What happened when Google visited this site?
Of the 14 pages we tested on the site over the past 90 days, 1 page(s) resulted in malicious software being downloaded and installed without user consent. The last time Google visited this site was on 2012-07-18, and the last time suspicious content was found on this site was on 2012-07-18.
Malicious software is hosted on 1 domain(s), including hupmarketing.net/.
3 domain(s) appear to be functioning as intermediaries for distributing malware to visitors of this site, including openx.org/, httpads.com/, adbrite.com/.
This site was hosted on 1 network(s) including AS30083 (SERVER4YOU).
Has this site acted as an intermediary resulting in further distribution of malware?
Over the past 90 days, nsfw.myconfinedspace.com did not appear to function as an intermediary for the infection of any sites.
Has this site hosted malware?
No, this site has not hosted malicious software over the past 90 days.
How did this happen?
In some cases, third parties can add malicious code to legitimate sites, which would cause us to show the warning message.
Next steps:
Return to the previous page.
If you are the owner of this web site, you can request a review of your site using Google Webmaster Tools. More information about the review process is available in Google’s Webmaster Help Center.
July 19, 2012 at 10:13 pm
I got the same thing today.
July 19, 2012 at 10:32 pm
internet std’s
July 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I do apologize about putting it in the puns post, but I couldn’t figure out how to directly message Tiki about it.
July 21, 2012 at 7:54 pm
same
July 22, 2012 at 4:36 am
I came in here to post the very same thing…
July 24, 2012 at 1:22 am
you can’t figure out how to click on the link that says “faq” and then read?
July 20, 2012 at 9:27 pm
These are not very punny.
I have no intention of hanging around hear and taking this punishment.
July 22, 2012 at 9:04 am
three men walked into a bar. You’d think one of them would have seen it.
A mushroom walks into a bar an orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind”. The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun-guy”.
July 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
July 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm
How warm does a Tan Tan keep you if you have to cut it open and use it as emergency shelter? Luke warm.
The village elder was at least 100 years old and very frail. Plus he never wore shoes or brushed his teeth. He was a SuperCallusedFragileMysticVexedWithHalitosis.
July 24, 2012 at 8:48 am
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
Velcro – what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.