The World Above - first 5 pages

The World Above – first 5 pages

Added on July 11th, 2011 by v0id | Report Post
Tags:Comic Books

First 5 pages of “The World Above” chapter 1…

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traptin85 (#3559)

12 years ago

is there a point to this?

wait... (#)

12 years ago

It’s too bad that the art’s terrible.

wait... (#)

Reply to wait...

12 years ago

The pacing, framing, and dialogue are pretty terrible, as well.

It’s not really a shame that it’s so terrible. It’s sort of like watching a retarded child playing basketball. It’s funny because it’s so terrible, but you can’t laugh because of a mixture of pity and disgust.

ian356094 (#3738)

12 years ago

In desperate need of a good storytelling techniques.
www.eldrbarry.net/roos/eest.htm
www.cloudscapecomics.com/2011/07/06/an-introduction-to-graphic-novels/
www.cloudscapecomics.com/comics-101/from-start-to-finish/
www.cloudscapecomics.com/2011/06/25/where-do-you-get-your-ideas/
www.sfwa.org/2011/07/guest-post-60-rules-for-short-sf-and-fantasy/
Try that.

asymon (#4280)

Reply to ian356094

12 years ago

too late

Flixamatic (#)

12 years ago

Needs more speed lines.

HoChunk (#5604)

Reply to Flixamatic

12 years ago

Needs more ellipses.

Aquaman43 (#85320)

12 years ago

I’ve seen worse art for sure. The close ups are really kinda good. It’s the story. I have no idea what’s going on. You would be better off concentrating on writing the story, and draw an occasional panel to accent when something interesting is happening. Just a thought.

draikyn (#4247)

12 years ago

OK few tips:

Front page:
The clouds on the sun look like a front-on plane until you look straight at it. I actually thought it was till i noticed the sun on the page2 and thought “hey, that plane looks weird as fuck. Wait, what the–”

First page:
Who the hell would ever think it was a good idea to build a security hut so far back from: a) the road and b) the gates; not to mention leaving the gates wiiiiide open. Kinda defeats the purpose dontcha think?
Also “tha” is spelled “the”.

Page 2:
Perspective on the streets WAY FUCKING OFF

Page 3:
Did someone stretch that guy out like Mike Teavee? Seriously, what’s with that stomach?

Page 4:
HOLY SHIT THAT GUY’S ARM IS MUTATING!!

All of it:
Really, WTF? You might have a good story in your head but what’s on paper makes me laugh, and not in a good way. Also, I think you wrote half of that in Swahili… seriously, no sense whatsoever.

Good luck. Hope to see some revisions soon. Tomorrow OK?

ian356094 (#3738)

12 years ago

Also: thickness of lines need to vary. don’t have all the lines the same depth.

Carnito (#17336)

12 years ago

Also, take Life Drawing classes at your local community college. They’re fun, you get to draw naked girls, you learn a great deal, and the classes are cheap. Your skill will improve incredibly, you just need to learn to avoid some of the classic mistakes you’re making.

tragerstreit (#4406)

12 years ago

I’m not sure why you keep posting this stuff. This is very seriously to the place to post your work if you’ve got a thin skin. I suggest DeviantArt. This place is full of snark and sarcasm. <3