First 5 pages of “The World Above” chapter 1…
The World Above – first 5 pages
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13 Responses to The World Above – first 5 pages
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July 11, 2011 at 4:53 am
is there a point to this?
July 11, 2011 at 5:06 am
It’s too bad that the art’s terrible.
July 11, 2011 at 5:09 am
The pacing, framing, and dialogue are pretty terrible, as well.
It’s not really a shame that it’s so terrible. It’s sort of like watching a retarded child playing basketball. It’s funny because it’s so terrible, but you can’t laugh because of a mixture of pity and disgust.
July 11, 2011 at 5:14 am
In desperate need of a good storytelling techniques.
www.eldrbarry.net/roos/eest.htm
www.cloudscapecomics.com/2011/07/06/an-introduction-to-graphic-novels/
www.cloudscapecomics.com/comics-101/from-start-to-finish/
www.cloudscapecomics.com/2011/06/25/where-do-you-get-your-ideas/
www.sfwa.org/2011/07/guest-post-60-rules-for-short-sf-and-fantasy/
Try that.
July 11, 2011 at 1:10 pm
too late
July 11, 2011 at 7:25 am
Needs more speed lines.
July 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Needs more ellipses.
July 11, 2011 at 11:16 am
I’ve seen worse art for sure. The close ups are really kinda good. It’s the story. I have no idea what’s going on. You would be better off concentrating on writing the story, and draw an occasional panel to accent when something interesting is happening. Just a thought.
July 11, 2011 at 12:54 pm
OK few tips:
Front page:
The clouds on the sun look like a front-on plane until you look straight at it. I actually thought it was till i noticed the sun on the page2 and thought “hey, that plane looks weird as fuck. Wait, what the–”
First page:
Who the hell would ever think it was a good idea to build a security hut so far back from: a) the road and b) the gates; not to mention leaving the gates wiiiiide open. Kinda defeats the purpose dontcha think?
Also “tha” is spelled “the”.
Page 2:
Perspective on the streets WAY FUCKING OFF
Page 3:
Did someone stretch that guy out like Mike Teavee? Seriously, what’s with that stomach?
Page 4:
HOLY SHIT THAT GUY’S ARM IS MUTATING!!
All of it:
Really, WTF? You might have a good story in your head but what’s on paper makes me laugh, and not in a good way. Also, I think you wrote half of that in Swahili… seriously, no sense whatsoever.
Good luck. Hope to see some revisions soon. Tomorrow OK?
July 11, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Also: thickness of lines need to vary. don’t have all the lines the same depth.
July 12, 2011 at 4:57 am
Also, take Life Drawing classes at your local community college. They’re fun, you get to draw naked girls, you learn a great deal, and the classes are cheap. Your skill will improve incredibly, you just need to learn to avoid some of the classic mistakes you’re making.
July 12, 2011 at 5:52 am
I’m not sure why you keep posting this stuff. This is very seriously to the place to post your work if you’ve got a thin skin. I suggest DeviantArt. This place is full of snark and sarcasm. <3
July 12, 2011 at 5:52 am
erm.. *not* the place.