The World Above – first 5 pages

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First 5 pages of “The World Above” chapter 1…

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    traptin85
    Member

    is there a point to this?

    wait...
    Guest
    wait...

    It’s too bad that the art’s terrible.

    wait...
    Guest
    wait...

    The pacing, framing, and dialogue are pretty terrible, as well.

    It’s not really a shame that it’s so terrible. It’s sort of like watching a retarded child playing basketball. It’s funny because it’s so terrible, but you can’t laugh because of a mixture of pity and disgust.

    Flixamatic
    Guest
    Flixamatic

    Needs more speed lines.

    HoChunk
    Member

    Needs more ellipses.

    Aquaman43
    Member

    I’ve seen worse art for sure. The close ups are really kinda good. It’s the story. I have no idea what’s going on. You would be better off concentrating on writing the story, and draw an occasional panel to accent when something interesting is happening. Just a thought.

    draikyn
    Member

    OK few tips: Front page: The clouds on the sun look like a front-on plane until you look straight at it. I actually thought it was till i noticed the sun on the page2 and thought “hey, that plane looks weird as fuck. Wait, what the–” First page: Who the hell would ever think it was a good idea to build a security hut so far back from: a) the road and b) the gates; not to mention leaving the gates wiiiiide open. Kinda defeats the purpose dontcha think? Also “tha” is spelled “the”. Page 2: Perspective on the streets… Read more »

    ian356094
    Member

    Also: thickness of lines need to vary. don’t have all the lines the same depth.

    Carnito
    Member
    Carnito

    Also, take Life Drawing classes at your local community college. They’re fun, you get to draw naked girls, you learn a great deal, and the classes are cheap. Your skill will improve incredibly, you just need to learn to avoid some of the classic mistakes you’re making.

    tragerstreit
    Member

    I’m not sure why you keep posting this stuff. This is very seriously to the place to post your work if you’ve got a thin skin. I suggest DeviantArt. This place is full of snark and sarcasm. <3

    tragerstreit
    Member

    erm.. *not* the place.



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