christianity – my god has a hammer, your god was nailed to a cross

christianity my god has a hammer your god was nailed to a cross 400x500 christianity   my god has a hammer, your god was nailed to a cross  Religion Humor

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44 Responses to christianity – my god has a hammer, your god was nailed to a cross

  1. i am the sutenvulf and i approve this message

  2. Ah, a better version. Nice.

  3. Your god wears a damn silly hat.

  4. Age of Mythology is fun. Also, inb4shitstorm.

  5. good call DarkDsurion, the shitstorm should be inevitable….hur dur god shall smite thee and such.

  6. What shitstorm?

    The lions ate all the Christians.

  7. So I twocked this fuckin’ chariot, and went ridin’ round the town centre, and I hit this fuckin’ old lady. So I hit her handbag, like. And then I heard the rozzers, so I fucked off to get some E’s and scag, and me fuckin hammer… and now I’m here for the fuckin kebab.

  8. so did this line come from Secret Invasion, or did Bendis (whoever) steal it from cheesy motivational posters?

  9. better to worship Odin the Nordic Viking God, die in combat to prove your faith, and spend eternity in Valhalla, eating, drinking and fighting, than to follow Jesus the Jewish Hippy, die in some sad pathetic way, and spend eternity in Heaven sitting on a cloud playing a frikking harp

    • if you read the last two chapters of Revelation, which is about two and a half pages, you’ll see that the average person’s idea of what “heaven” is has nothing to do with what the bible talks about.

      god actually comes and lives on the earth with the people. no one goes to some far off mystic land of harpery. the dead in christ are supposed to be resurrected into new bodies which are not tainted with sin like the ones we now reside in.

      Revelation 21
      The New Jerusalem
      1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

      5He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

      i only post that to show that the average person’s perception of basic christian beliefs is many times flawed

  10. My god forgives me for anything that i do and makes me live forever.

    Your god is an asshole with an eternal headache.

  11. HAIL TO THE HAMMER!!!!

    Off to watch The 13th Warrior.

  12. Jesus the son of God was nailed to a cross. Not God himself. I.E. Jesus is not God.

    • If you ask me, a god who’s willing to let his son get tortured and killed for an abstract reason is a dick god.

      Oh, and isn’t this the same god that supposedly brings down plagues upon people for lesser affronts and torments a believer just to prove a point? Yup, a dick god.

    • nope! sorry, but the whole holy trinity thing trips up that little argument.
      jesus IS god, and they both are ALSO The Force.

    • That’s actually one of the commonly accepted tenets of Christianity. Jesus was an incarnation of God, and so was God made flesh.

      The poster has a point, though. Christianity is not a religion known for acts of awesome badassery by it’s central figure, except for that one time when Jesus laid the smackdown on the moneychangers in the temple.

      • I think living in a desert, with SATAN, for 40 days and 40 nights, is pretty damn hardcore. I spent two weeks in a desert once, and that was fucking hell. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, except maybe Herr Kommissar or Casemods.

        But, you are correct.

        Anyway, Thor may be awesome, even though this is a rather lame depiction of him (but at least no one is blowing themselves up for it);but the All Father is far more awesome.

  13. Well, that’s great and all, but you people are trying to compare apples and oranges;

    On the one hand, we have Norse paganism, built around a society that revered battle, whose gods promoted said battle, and dying in battle was the only guarenteed way to earn a spot in Valhalla/Elysium/etc…where you fought and died in battle some more. If you didn’t make it, well that sucked a lot, but you weren’t punished beyond not getting into paradise. Saxons, Celts, Picts, Gauls, Mongols, Greeks, Romans, Egyptians, Aztecs, and a whole boatload of other “pagan” tribes and countries had the same sort of deal with their religion. These warrior cultures fought, fought, then fought some more; they had no time or desire (probably) for peace.

    On the other hand, you have modern New Testament Christianity, a religion of peace, where not hurting your neighbor and trying to turn the other cheek will get you into Heaven. But if you failed, you end up roasting on a spit for eternity, or at least chilling out with Socrates in purgatory. Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and all the variants of Christianity have this formula to a greater or lesser extent, created for societies that no longer wished to butcher everyone they met and where dying peacefully and piously is the goal.

    Divergent cultural ideals prevent these thematically different religions from ever seeing eye to eye, though Old Testament Christianity and extremist Islam have a better chance than most. I know faith is pretty bull-headed, so it serves no real purpose to argue for one or the other. Choosing or not choosing a religion should be a personal choice, not one based solely on blind obedience or a need to be a rebel.

    And besides, for all anyone knows there’s a clubhouse for deities where Zues, Jesus, Buddha, Akhenaten, and Odin could all be shooting pool right now. You never know.

    • Damn good point guy, and well said, although you used the term ‘variants’ with a pretty hefty dose of stretching. Not that it really makes a difference, but similarities don’t make one a variant of another. If they did, then Christianity could also be called a variant of Norse paganism, because they share quite similar origin myths. But I think your point stands, despite extremely oversimplifying it.

      • Are you being reasonable? There’s no reason on M[c]S! There’s no reason on M[c]S!
        (said in best Tom Hanks voice)

      • Yeah, variants is a bit of a stretch, but hell, if I started splitting hairs I could be at this all week, and not just for Christianity. I’m sure the professional theologists have a hard enough time with it.

        And you are correct, insofar that Christianity is in fact a variant of Norse paganism; you probably already know this, but it was able to spread so rapidly (compared to other religions) by ingesting the customs of whatever religion it was trying to displace. Christmas coincides directly with the winter solstice celebration, takes gift-giving from Saturnalia, and even takes the name and traditions of the Scandinavian festival Yule. So on and so forth.

        At any rate, oversimplification was probably the best choice in this case. I didn’t want to write an essay, not that you cretins would read it anyway…TL;DR, amirite?

    • Good point, but sadly, your name is exceedingly gay so your argument is instantly rendered invalid. Sorry, thanks for playing.

  14. how is making fun of people supposed to change their beliefs?

  15. Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries” rules (even if Nietzsche didn’t like him. I can still still see Colonel Kilgore blastin’ it over the loud speakers as the First Air Calvary hit the beach :0

  16. your god is a myth, my God is real. any questions?

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