Rectal Probe Biometrics

probe.jpg (4 KB)

Fort Worth, TX – Biometric security systems like fingerprint and retinal scanning have been on the forefront of security, but a new biometric procedure promises to go even deeper.

Proberect Corporation\’s new rectal scanner promises to be the end all in security.

“As has been shown in countless movies, fingerprint and retinal scans can be easily duplicated by using wax molds or by cutting off the head of an employee, but rectal scanning is almost impossible to fake,” said Alan Cummings, CEO of Proberect.

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    16 Responses to Rectal Probe Biometrics

    1. Lol. Wasn’t this on the Onion?


    2. There is no way in hell this can be real. XD


    3. greatest quote from the article: “A few [Lockheed Martin] employees complained, but most are used to taking it up the ass from management around here, so it wasn’t a big adjustment.”


    4. So what’s up with these theme day sneak peeks?


    5. @PmWi:

      I thought I had a contender for most applicable RPB day entry… damn…


    6. @ack: there not sneak peaks there the ones tiki decided that it’s nowhere close to the actual RPB ones? that’s my assumption.


    7. @ColombianMonkey:

      Rectal Probe Biometrics.

      There can be no better RPB day entry.

      Besides – I have a sure plan to win RPB day. Tiki is a Southerner. Southerners love the anal probe. I get extra points for this one.

      I have a theory or two:

      Theory 2 is that Southerners pray to Jesus for aliens to visit the South and anal probe them.

      Theory 1 is that the aliens are looking for Southerners brains using the most direct, and logical, route available. The anus.


    8. “Uh… This goes in your mouth. This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. Shit. Hang on a second. This one… Uh… This one… this one goes in your mouth.”


    9. Hmph.That`s nothing at all compared to the average low tech,old school,digital prostate exam.(Laugh now,young ones.For your fate awaits you.)


    10. @mikoyangurevich15: Ain’t it the truth? The 24 hours prior is actually the worst. I will never do that voluntarily again.


    11. Low quality/low resolution pictures/posts are really pissing me off and degrading MCS.


    12. @Nannerpuss:
      Sweet! Whining bitches make my day! You’re awesome!

      That was actually my first thought when I read this. I highly recommend that movie.

      You had a digital prostate exam??? This could explain why you are such a smart girl… heh…


    13. @ack: Lol, worse. A colonoscopy


    14. @nyokki:

      I have been told to consider death as an acceptable option to a colonoscopy.

      I think that I am going to call my hausarzt and tell him that if I ever require a colonoscopy I am to be immediately drugged, scoped, and left in a crop circle a minimum of 100 km from home.

      A man has to have his dignity.


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