And yeah, as soon as i hit submit on that comment I facepalmed at how silly it was to be so overly wordy and emotional at a public place like this.

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I just want to point out that trying to find someone who is perfect in all categories is also a falsehood. I spent all of my teens and most of my 20s trying to find the woman who fit all of my needs. I spent a lot of time on meaningless flings, but when I was truly into someone it was because they were “utterly perfect” and in reality a delusion about what was important and not in my life.

After my awakening, I realized that one person cannot hope to fill all of my needs and all of my wants/desires/explorations. While I can fulfill all of my sexual desires with my current girlfriend, as well as having a loving and secure life together, I still get together with my friend B**** to go to a museum or see an opera, and call my friend M**** to talk politics or plan a party. Sometimes my girlfriend and I think about including others into our sexual experience, but that probably won’t happen. What will happen is that we will continue to meet people who fill different needs that each of us have, and that each of us can’t meet. I don’t consider this a failure on our part.

And physically speaking, if you were to say there are big, medium and small sizes, for both male and female ; medium can work with all three, for the other, but big won’t work with small and small wont work with big, so on average the majority, yeah, there is easy adaptation, some woman, but not all, can adapt to differences in size, but that’s mostly just in regards to girth, -not- length. No amount of sex will change the depth of a woman or the shape of her skeleton.

But I guess what I am failing to summarize, and what my point was supposed to be, is that people need to be emotionally, mentally AND physically compatible for a good relationship to happen. 2/3 can work, but I would never commit to an exclusive and life long relationship with someone who wasn’t 3/3 compatible with me, and I will never share sex with someone I don’t love.

But I’m not saying exploration of potential partners requires sex, and i’m not encouraging promiscuity. There’s lots more of course, it’s simply a matter of knowing yourself and your body, so you will know what you need in a partner, and being able to explore and experiment with people you connect to, so you know you will match, should you decide to really commit to that person… I don’t advocate sex without the connection of the mind and heart first, but I do strongly encourage that once those connections are made, there needs to be a physical connection that works before something like marriage is entered, or the relationship is doomed to stagnation at best. There is a certain chastity that can be held still, and virginity can be a beautiful wedding gift, but you can keep those true while still exploring each other and learning that you will be sexually compatible, when you are ready, without having actual intercourse. That’s what our eyes and fingers and lips are for.

I’ve just seen it happen too often amongst my friends and loved ones, where a great relationship fell apart and ended in heart break purely because they were sexually incompatible. For whatever reason, that always strikes me as more tragic than when relationships fail because of a mental or spiritual difference. Usually because its the breaking of what should have been a lasting and strong friendship. And it’s not just biological size either, it could just as well be a difference of rhythm that prevents the relationship from working. I’ve had relationships with both guys and girls, that were fantastic, on a mental and spiritual level, but when we moved to a physical level, we just didn’t match, our rhythms didn’t harmonize and we returned to just being friends, luckily, and they are still some of my best friends. Had I committed to a marriage with any of them, who were certainly ideal on both mental and spiritual levels, without exploring our sexuality beforehand, the result would be unhappiness and infidelity and every night would drive us further and further apart, unless we agreed to an Atlantean style marriage.

I respect you and your life choices very much dieA, and I understand what your saying. But I just need to say that you are wrong about what I meant as exploration, in that it is very much and purely a facet of love, every kiss and caress and soft touch is an exploration of love, not just carnal gratification.

I’m rambling I know, but the last thing i’ll say, as an example about what i mean in regards to exploration: Would you want to wait until your honeymoon to learn that he likes it really rough? that he needs to be choked? or even that his member isn’t going to fit without a lot of pain? If you don’t explore your sexuality beforehand, how will you know that say, you like it soft and slow and gentle, but he likes it hard and fast and rough? Or the other way around…

I know that I’m rather physically shallow, and I simply cannot easily have sex with any man who is -longer- than 5 or 6 inches, without limiting the positions, or being annoyingly cautious during the fun, or it slams against my cervix and makes me want to vomit. And during the mindless passions of lovemaking, that is a horrible sensation to have suddenly come up on me. I also know I am very voracious and demanding sexually, and i’ve cried many times over the pain of relationships that have failed because otherwise incredible people and wonderful friends, didn’t have a matching libido.

make the asians feel even more insecure, great