And while our definition of fair may differ, she offered some excellent advice on ways to avoid having an interpersonal dispute descend into and abusive relationship that not everyone may have thought about.

It’s all about baby steps… If we can make just one more person aware of the subconscious prejudices that they hold, and how to avoid the negative consequences, our boring you to death is a small, easy price to pay…

However I disagree that it is impossible to be fair. I would also argue that the knowledge that we may be unable to reach a perfect solution should not mean we stop trying to achieve a workable one.

Your description about how you and your hubby try to interact with each other, is what I, at least, would consider a very fair approach to dealing with problems, in spite of the prevailing gender bias.

Even if you feel like hitting each other, you would *both* exercise restraint, or attempt to avoid it reaching that point, regardless of which gender is at fault.

Is that not a fair and gender neutral way of looking at things?

And you are right, he did know fully well why he happened to be on the receiving end of that particular slapfest, and he responded correctly.

However not every man is as He-Manly as Dolph (pun intended), and more often than not, it isn’t truly clear to many men what brings about these kinds of reactions. So they just react to being attacked.

Personally, I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that either gender should be using violence, in any form, to solve conflicts.

But many people don’t seem to realize that they are subconsciously biased about it. Look at WistfulD’s post for instance.

In that last paragraph, it starts out stating how gender roles need to be examined and changed, but then ends with a heavily gender biased, judgment laden, statement.

Why was it so easy to brush off the violence towards men, but label anyone who commits violence against woman psychotic? Neither one is desirable. And they are both generally the result of the same factors.

I guess I just find the inconsistencies distracting. Blame it on my OC tendencies.

All that said, I’ve seen what you’re talking about, psychologically. The things people do to each other when a divorce is imminent is horrendous. It can be pure psychological warfare. The longer they’ve been together, the worse it gets, and that’s not including any kids that become part of the war.

…I’d like to see you say them in public surrounded by your pears.

@WistfulD:
ROFLMAO… I agreed with everything you said until paragraph 4. Then I promptly almost fell out of my chair laughing. Literally- when I read that last line. Talk about choking on the horse.

Anyway, every time I see one of these I can’t help but think of this:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4FooiUqIMI

Yes, it’s been edited to enhance the pain but I know of a lot of women who do this and then are then outraged if they get hit back. And the ones that don’t get physical do a lot of other things to drive their men absolutely insane instead.

Your argument, which many have inexplicably adopted, presumes that physical violence is more damaging than psychological violence. However I think it is a seriously flawed presumption. The two are, at the very least, equally damaging, and in many cases, each is a consequence of the other.

I think it would be more productive to promote open dialog about thoughts, feelings, and positive conflict resolution, than to trivialize the suffering that either side has to endure.

never will i make a joke on the internet again.

through public shaming i have learned that the internet is serious business.