CHURCH FIGHT!

ChurchFight.jpg (347 KB)

Why can’t we all just get along

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    60 Responses to CHURCH FIGHT!

    1. ‘shopped, I’m sure, but still funny. 🙂

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    2. Every good Catholic knows that rocks do indeed go to Heaven.

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    3. *sigh* Stupid Religious People *face palm*

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    4. Catholics 1
      Presbyterians 0

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    5. Rocks go to heaven, presbyterians don’t…

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    6. I agree with the Catholics on this one. Without dogs there, then by definition it wouldn’t truly be heaven! (There’s dogs in hell, too, but only to make chew toys out of the people who abused animals on earth.)

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    7. Soooo. say I murder some one , but it was my schizophrenic alter ego who did it. Does that I mean I go to hell anyway for committing murder? After all, some one NEEEEDS to burn in Hell for the act. I seriously see this whole punishment thing as a joke, since most humans can only fathom vengeance due to some one’s acts. Jesus never talked about burning in Hell and so on .(go ahead and quote it if you can, I have a Bible here) Let the flaming begin (although I think I started it). 🙂

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    8. Yea, you did start the flaming. But really, if you have an alter ego that’s capable of independent thought and has it’s own personality, is there a clause in the Bible that says the alter ego wont go to Hell and you wont go to heaven?

      It’s really funny, and I like the dog debate. But it doesn’t strike right with me, as Presbyterian is a form of protestantism, and they’re the ones who will say that animals have souls. As opposed to the Catholic belief that generally animals do not have souls, and cannot be saved because they can’t confess, take the Eucharist, or be saved (as they have no soul to save).

      Soooo, while if this is real it would make me really laugh and giggle because church rivalries like this amuse me, whoever shopped this (if it was shopped) needs to do a bit better research into their churches.

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    9. i peed my pants- nope bladder infection..

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    10. Oh well I knew someone would ruin this fucking thread about a funny silly comedy miage. I’m just waiting for RXixor to start blabbing about papish plots now, fuck’s sake.

      But I’ll bite since I happen to have a bible here as well. Where did Jesus talk about going to hell, Dragyn AND NO STRAINED INTERPRETATIONS OF PARABLES FROM JOHN PLZ

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    11. Must be on eof them church-sign generators all over the web. Backgrounds never change…and I think I see pixels…

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    12. Also, a quick googling tells me that John Paul II says that animals actually do have souls.

      I don’t know about presbyterians but I do know the church evolved out of Calvinism and Calvinism says animals do not have souls. So shut your idiot cunt mouth Drygan.

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    13. dogs and humans alike- we are products of our environment- we are born, our brains do alot of work, we die. Science rules! please pray for my soul- i like the pr. p.s.-the bible is a great book- i’ve read it. Great history, poems, and storys.. thats all. What else do you think made war back then?

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    14. Faith is a way to inform people. has been for many decades.. science says the world is round. Church says “MY God says its flat”.. so how else do you tell millions of people of faith the world is round…? this is today- quantum physics.. please inform your pastor.

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    15. Unless you can tell by the pixels this may not be shooped. There are a lot of churches (in WV anyway) that put some hellaciously funny stuff on their signs. In Baltimore there were 2 churches across from each other, one a Yankees fan, the other an Orioles fan. There was some funny signage going on about whose team God supported.

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    16. @ Caio:

      Papish plots? What, where they bury them? Huh?

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    17. Ah, perhaps I should have read all the comments before posting. Oh well, I’m slapping myself silly.

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    18. What about insects? Do they have souls? That would mean a metric fuck-ton of mayflies in heaven.

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    19. Souls were invented for the profit of man’s ego. Everyone knows this.

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    20. The best way to keep christians down is to encourage them to fight amongst themselves. They love to come up with new stuff to hate.

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    21. “Faith is a way to inform people. has been for many decades.. science says the world is round. Church says “MY God says its flat”.. so how else do you tell millions of people of faith the world is round…? this is today- quantum physics.. please inform your pastor.”

      No one was arguing that the world was flat in the 16th century. In fact it seems never to have really come up in theological debate, except in Roman times.

      The “world is flat” thing was made up by a nineteenth century American who wanted to mythologize Columbus. No one actually believed it was flat in the late middle ages.

      If you’re going to blab about FACT-BASED belief system, get your facts right, you vapid flapping cunt.

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    22. Did this come from /b/? It seems like the kind of argument that would pop up there.

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    23. I lol’d so hard my side hurts. fucker. :/

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    24. Caio- Thanks for your infinite wisdom. You missed to point. ..so go back to watchin universal soilder-the return.

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    25. Gouki4u: Actually, I think it came from a fairly recent Fark/TotalFark thread. I forget if it went green or not, but we had a LOT of church sign fun. I’m fairly certain this was a debate between a pair of the usual lunatics.

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    26. Your point was that you were defending your “fact-based” worldview with non-factual “evidence.”

      You can squak “FACT-BASED FACT-BASED FACT-BASED” all you want but if you don’t put in the basic amount of effort verifying your facts you are an idiot.

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    27. Well , I can see that there have no fruits produced from my labor. No sense in poking a dead horse (religion) Scientology can go to Hell , with Tom attached to a Cruize missile (ohhh see what I did ther?!)

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    28. “you vapid flapping cunt.”
      This bears repeating by simple virtue of it’s sheer awesomeness.

      If you want to know where the Bible talks about fires in hell, have a look at Matthew 18:8 or Mark 9:43. The current Catechism of the Catholic Church basically says that Hell is simply a place where you are cut off from God, and because all ‘positive’ emotions (happiness, love, et al) stem from God, you’re left with nothing but pain, anguish and despair. The fire & brimstone of the Bible is considered an analogy to explain this rather esoteric concept to simple folks.

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    29. Mark 9:43: It is better for you to enter into life maimed than with two hands to go into Gehenna. Into the unquenchable fire.

      Gahenna was a graveyard. You can still go there: it is right outside of Israel. It was where the non-Jews traditionally made sacrifices, to false gods. That was nothing but a statement of Monotheism from the typically Jewish Gospel of Mark. To sin was to remove yourself from monotheism and send yourself to the demons worshipped as idols in the early Rabbinic literature of the time.

      Here is a picture of Gahenna:

      farm4.static.flickr.com/3116/2550216528_36d213042d.jpg?v=0

      There isn’t a Matthew 9:43. It ends at 9:36

      Matthew:

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    30. Also, I should have said “according to early Rabbinic literature”.

      The Gospel of Mark is almost identical to Pharisitic theology, by the by. According to Mark, Jesus was little different than the early Rabbinical Jews.

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    31. Gehenna
      The place where children were sacrificed to the god Moloch was originally in the “valley of the son of Hinnom,” to the south of Jerusalem (Josh. xv. 8, passim; II Kings xxiii. 10; Jer. ii. 23; vii. 31-32; xix. 6, 13-14). For this reason the valley was deemed to be accursed, and “Gehenna” therefore soon became a figurative equivalent for “hell.” Hell, like paradise, was created by God (Soá¹­ah 22a); according to Gen. R. ix. 9, the words “very good” in Gen. i. 31 refer to hell; hence the latter must have been created on the sixth day. Yet opinions on this point vary. According to some sources, it was created on the second day; according to others, even before the world, only its fire being created on the second day (Gen. R. iv., end; Pes. 54a)….
      www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=115&letter=G

      Fires were kept burning and the valley became the garbage dump of the city. The dead bodies of criminals, and the carcasses of animals were also thrown there.

      In the synoptic gospels Jesus uses the word Gehenna 12 times to describe the opposite to the life during the promised kingdom [1]. It is a place where both soul and body could be destroyed (Matthew 10:28) in “unquenchable fire” (Mark 9:43).
      en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gehenna (Yeah yeah, I know, wiki sux)

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    32. Bah, the Jewish encyclopedia is the classical example of Jewish self-censorship. You know, going through the Talmud and replacing ‘goyim’ with ‘sadducees’.

      The Jews of Jesus’ day largely believed that hell was simply the realm of the demons who passed themselves off to goyim as false idols. There was no careful Mithraism-inspired Christian dichotomy between Heaven and Hell. Everyone who goes to Gahenna goes to ‘the place where God resides’ eventually, in Talmudic Judaism.

      There’s no reason to think Jesus thought any different.

      Most modern Jews reject the idea of hell altogether. It’s never been central to Jewish theology.

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    33. Um, Caio, he said Matthew 18:8 and Mark 9:43, not Matthew 9:43.

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    34. Caio, I respect your knowledge, obvious intelligence and grasp of the nuances in these types of arguments…but it would it kill you to be a bit more…ah, diplomatic? It seems that no matter what sources anyone (other than yourself, of course)uses, it’s inferior. I realize you prolly have access to scholarly sources that most of us don’t. That doesn’t mean that other less rigorous sources are necessarily less factual or useful for the purposes of debate.

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    35. @Garbled: Matthew 18:8 – “It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two and s or two feet to be thrown into Gahanna

      Mark 9:43: “Better for you to enter into life with maimed than with two hands to go into Gahenna.”

      All the same shit, different pile. Once again, we ax ourself: Does Jewish Jesus refer to the Jewish doctrine or the Christian doctrine which didn’t exist in his times and for which he gave absolutely no details.

      —————

      Less rigorous sources are bullshit. The only way to know historical truth is to acquire all the knowledge and build the most nuanced view.

      And Fuck Diplomacy. Fuck people’s inability to put any research into their opinions. Minimal tertiary sources *are* less valid than numerous secondary and primary sources.

      Do you know what history means in Greek? It comes from the word ‘histor’ or knowledgeable man. History, then, is the act of collecting knowledge or being knowledgeable.

      Cherry picking historical facts out of context and given to you out of nowhere is the opposite of historiography. It is a way to make yourself more ignorant and stubborn.

      If *anyone* were to offer me a well researched opinion that wasn’t easy to pick apart, I might concede. But instead people google it and go with the explanation that makes them most comfortable.

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    36. tl;dr if you want to have an opinion, and not be called a dumb cunt, put work into that opinion.

      Debating truth is not the special olympics: we don’t change the rules for the retards. Truth is truth and acquired by rigour.

      Or do you want me to build a stupid ramp and call them “differently abled”?

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    37. Caio,
      Are you 7 years old, to say that Truth is that simple? Did you actually just argue that there’s Truth, rather than truth, in history? I know you know better. My knowledge of history does not equal yours…fine. If I need “learning”, learn me. Don’t call me an idiot and then make fun of “where” I got my info. I hope you’re no older than 25, because that is the only excuse I would accept for your juvenile and condescending attitude. Aren’t there any appropriately intelligent and knowledgeable people (real people, not internet) w/ whom you interact on a daily basis? Why so angry w/ those that are trying to figure it out? More than once I’ve asked, received and appreciated your knowledge. Yet, I still get the “You’re an asshole” speech. As a student of sorts, I find it hard to understand your vitriol towards the things I write. Seriously, are you trying to be an asshole and I’m missing it?

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    38. Answer #1:
      Because this is the internet and if you don’t treat people with disdain and ambivalence they’ll not bother you as much.

      Of course I’ve never talked so sharply IRL, but I’ve never had hundreds of idiots around the world listening in on my conversations.

      There’s no politeness on the internet.

      Answer #2:
      I could be polite and make well-written, carefully proof-read posts. And then diabeetus or magnus or one of other of a billion idiots would pop up and posts, well, what diabeetus and magnus and other idiots post; basically, a lot of bullshit.

      Given how many stupid things I’ve read on the internet, treating everyone with contempt is a natural reaction. If a few friendly patient people get caught in the crossfire, so be it.

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    39. erm strike and reverse that first sentence.

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    40. @Caio: Ok, got it. Third time’s a charm.

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    41. NO. Dammit all to hell, no.

      I have had it.

      I have had it with this ignorant, fucking trogloditic attitude that you persist in displaying on this site, Caio.

      I completely understand your vitriol with the majority of the human race. I’ve felt it most of my life both juvenille and adult for reasons that you may or may not understand and have lived through my own personal hells that you may have experienced in relation but probably not in reality. Either way I don’t care.
      The instant you arrive at the level where all you wish to do either privately in your mind in the real world, or very publicly here on the internet, is lash out like some type of rabid dog at anyone who you deem to be “inferior”, then you are no better than the fools and blind masses that you claim to disdain so much.
      If you have such intelligence, such a wealth of knowledge and learning, then you should know that the great teachers, those that have elevated and educated the tragic comedy that is the human race, no matter how difficult their lives or misunderstood they were, continued to try to improve those around them, not denigrate them.
      If you hate humankind so much and hold them in such universal contempt then you would be better served to remove yourself from this apparent misery called life that you so often allude to.
      If that is not the case. If you do have hope, even a shred, that mankind can evolve to a truly decent, caring, intelligent and fair species, then you do it and yourself a great disservice by continuing to spread the hate, intolerance, anger and discord that you so often do here.
      I know you are an intelligent person. You have proved it time and again here. I know you are a person that cares about the evil that man does upon man, or you would not be so impassioned about the injustices inflicted by the ignorant and the evil. I just cannot fathom that someone who displays such passion and intelligence could have given up so completely on any chance we have at bettering ourselves.
      I’m sure you’ll just slam me, or analyse the hell out of this rant of mine. Go ahead, I don’t care. I just can’t believe that you’d be putting all the energy you do into this site if you really didn’t give a damn. Take it as you will. I really do wish you well and hope you find some sort of mature resolution to your issues.

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    42. Well, you’ve given me your answer.
      I am truly sorry for the limited little world you choose to live in.

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    43. All you want is “facts” and “truth” even though you have stated no such thing truly exists except what we see right now and even that is open to interpretation. In other words, nothing has meaning or truth. What a wonderfully pointless, cold and empty reality you must exist in. No wonder you are so angry, hostile and prone to lashing out. That entire statement and all you want are examples that you can pick apart with your encyclopedic knowledge of history. Because no one could possibly know more than you or have a relavant opinion or belief that isn’t backed up by multiple degrees worth of information. Never mind the intent of the message, it’s all about data to you. Data that you yourself have stated means nothing as it is all subjective and biased.

      Seems all more than a bit futile and bleak to me.
      I’m truly sorry man. Truly.

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    44. Sorry, *relevant*. Tiki, an edit function would be nice here too for those of us who drink and type.

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    45. There’s no such thing as absolute objectivity, but you can collect as much subjective evidence as possible to form the most nuanced view, can’t you?

      The only way to understand something is: form a theory, offer as much contradictory evidence as possible, adjust the theory.

      Let’s take some average person logic and apply this concept.

      1) A million people on MSC say Obama has voted partisan on every issue.
      2) Find an issue where Obama hasn’t voted partisan: there are many.
      3) A million people persist in saying Obama has voted on every issue. If persistently confronted they’ll use their magical powers of confirmation bias to claim ridiculous things about what each party represents.

      I once, doing this, had someone who had been lecturing me about how evil it was to oppose despotic states (like China and Cuba because we should be encouraging them to become democracies) say, only three posts later, that it was OK to support fascist military dictatorships in the 80s because America isn’t technically a democracy.

      So I ask, “What great teachers?”

      Every Gadhi has a student like Nehru:

      www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/546167/Sino-Indian-War

      So maybe if I’m a total asshole my “students” will be friendly and dull. But ultimately I’m never going to change anyone’s mind about anything, nor do I wish to.

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    46. Sorry “Lecturing me about how necessary it was to oppose evil despotic states”

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    47. @Caio: So you’re saying there is no difference (to you) between my questions and obvious willingness (because I accept your knowledge) to change my mind, given new facts or insights, and an asshole who’s trolling. Distinguishing between the 2 opposing thoughts is beyond your ability or willingness?

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    48. Wow… That was awesome…

      Also: this thread is full of… Caio?

      Hokeydokey, i’m outta here… 😛

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    49. “So you’re saying there is no difference (to you) between my questions and obvious willingness (because I accept your knowledge) to change my mind, given new facts or insights, and an asshole who’s trolling. Distinguishing between the 2 opposing thoughts is beyond your ability or willingness?”

      Because we assume that trolls don’t mean what they say but most of the time they actually do.

      Again you’re in the minuscule minority so if accidentally displeasing someone open minded is the cost of not letting an internet comedy site eat my soul, then so be it.

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    50. What an odd way to perceive things. As a teacher, I tend to go the other way.

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    51. Why teach west virginians?

      Seriously, you have no economy and the highest enlistment rate in the US. It takes years to truly learn anything. You’re just filling kids’ heads with nonsense they don’t need: These kids were born as targets in uniform and will die as such before they reach the age to know anything about anything.

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    52. I don’t teach West Virginians, I’m not Superteacher. I teach in Maryland, 20 minute drive for $20,000 more dollars.

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    53. I miss Nyoki & garbledxmission. Caio, too, but at least he bothers to pop up now & again.

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