Texas

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Fuck yeah, Texas.

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    31 Responses to Texas

    1. If I owned Texas and Hell, I’d rent out Texas and live in Hell.

      I mess with Texass whenever I damn well please. The state with the biggest hats and the least under them. The same could be said about the belt buckles. The state where you can look the farthest and see the least.

      One of the state monuments is a place where Texass got its ASS KICKED by Mexico, losing several big name people who apparently weren’t as badass as Texans claim.

      And, as much as Alaska has irritated me recently, it’s still larger than Texass. There is no wordplay that will change this fact, so take your “lower 48” (I didn’t realize that Hawaii was in the Artic Circle! Geography FAIL!) and shove it.

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    2. I never understood why Texans are so obsessed with their state and get offended when anyone says something bad about it.

      That being said, fuck Texas.

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    3. “if you ain’t Texan, you ain’t shit” so if you ARE Texan you ARE shit?

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    4. I live in texas, and i ain’t proud. but that might just be cause i am a beaner.

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    5. I fucking hate Texas.

      For no reason.

      From now on, I just hate it so much.

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    6. Fuck yeah, Texas?

      Let me fix that:

      Fuck you, Texas.

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    7. George Bernard Shaw’s notion that “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” applies to states as well, unfortunately.

      Also, if it weren’t for folks from other so-called “lesser” states, there would be no texas.

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    8. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, fuck you Texas.

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    9. Everything is bigger and dumber in Texas.

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    10. “IF YOU AINT TEXAN YOU AINT SHIT.”
      Texas sounds shitty.

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    11. Vermont managed to be its own country a LOT longer than Texas managed, and you don’t hear us getting all uppity about it.
      Texans have a serious inferiority complex going.. big hats, big trucks, big boots, big ranches.. must be compensating for something…

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    12. Texas sucks.

      Every time Texas gets hit by a Hurricane, they piss and moan like babies. Everything is bigger in Texas except their balls. Okay, Ike suck, but yeah, my neck of the woods got hit by two strong Catagory three’s two seasons in a row, with some assorted other hurricanes tossed in. ( Ike was weak Cat 3 I believe, and came in as a Cat 2 ) Texas gets hit by a Cat 1 and they whine like they got hit by Katrina or some such.

      Pansies.

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    13. Much of what people hate about America comes from Texas. Pretty sure you have to be an asshole to live there.

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    14. Remember a bumper sticker seen during a deployment “Welcome to Texas, now GTGO!”

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    15. @awful:

      I’ve not once heard a Texan bitch or moan about the hurricanes, unless they live where it hit, and they don’t start bitching till afterward. At least we have a state that managed to build roads that would effectively allow its citizens to evacuate their cities before the hurricane hit, and none of that silly bureaucracy that would keep those cities from being rebuilt afterward.

      @mid

      But they didn’t have to fight Mexicans. Texans are so proud of their heritage they have a monument to a battle they LOST and view it as a celebration of their past.

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    16. Also, how many cars did it take to bring the Mexican army to the Alamo?

      2

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    17. Wow, such hostility and jealousy, we must be doing something right down here to get everyone’s brown star so puckered.

      If your from Texas your not shit, you’re THE shit. Big difference. Have a nice day losers….

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    18. werd, slickrick…lotta folks taking shots at us – guess instead of defending their own state, they have to make salacious generalizations about Texas.

      I ordinarily do not engage in debates over teh interwebs and I know I’m late to the party, but I’ve been moving my belongings to our new place & I don’t want to get up from my computer, so here we go, responding in the order I read them:

      re: state size vs. Alaska. No one in Texas claims our state is the largest in the union, nor do we harbor or display any animosity toward Alaska. Alaskans understand this…why don’t people from other states?

      re: gross generalizations about Texans’ level of intelligence and/or education. Generally speaking, see: farm4.static.flickr.com/3114/2509581381_4b4230e2f5.jpg. Specifically, there are 4 degrees between myself and my wife (from actual 120 y.o. brick-and-mortar schools), two CPA licenses, and two wholly-owned businesses. We’re both 25 and I’m sure there are plenty others just like us all over the place down here. CPA-geared questions are welcome to validate the presence of my education.

      re: implication that the average size of male Texans’ penises is smaller than that of other US states’ male residences. What? Seriously? That’s a silly argument to make – you and I both know it – grow up. See again: farm4.static.flickr.com/3114/2509581381_4b4230e2f5.jpg.

      re: The Alamo. The Alamo is a state monument because of two reasons. 1) It signifies the beginning of our state’s fight for independence from Mexico, as it was Santa Anna’s first battle to try to reclaim Texas. We ultimately won that fight (obviously). 2) The famous quote “Remember the Alamo!” was the battle cry during the Texas Revolution, and as such, we Texans decided a good way to remember the Alamo would be to keep it around. If you already knew all of that, why did you make such an ignorant argument? If you didn’t already know that, read up on your history a bit more before you make ignorant arguments.

      re: Texans being “obsessed” with our state. We’re proud of our state because it’s a great place to live, work, and play for millions of residents. Most of us don’t get too offended when someone doesn’t like our state and voices that opinion, but it is remarkable when someone who has spend a good bit of time here (read: a few months, not just a couple weeks in Odessa on a business trip, and the like) and still doesn’t like it.

      re: “so if you ARE Texan you ARE shit”. C’mon teezy weezy, don’t tell me you’re so far out of the common American English lexicon that you didn’t get that bumper sticker. Must be a Brit, huh?

      @ LukeV1-5: Huh. Well, that sounds OK. Hate away.

      @ Marrock: You seemed to have made two points, but I can’t see how either of your comments were either pro-Texas or otherwise, but OK. Thanks for the quote, man.

      @ reboot: Your logic train seems to have derailed spectacularly. Try rebooting.

      @ mld: Vermont is lacking a good number of the things that Texans are proud of their state for having, including having won their own independence under their own might, a well-understood state identity (everything’s Vermontier in Vermont??), and supplying a huge amount of industry to the US and the world (in ’06, Texas had the world’s 15th largest economy & was the fastest growing economy of the top ten productive states). I could go on for a long, long time, but those are three divergent answers that come to mind.

      re: Ike & Texans “pissing and moaning” about being hit with hurricanes. Firstly, I doubt you’ll be able to find much to substantiate your argument that we complained any more than any other state that was hit with a hurricane, so I will counter with saying that the Houston area (I live right on the 610 loop where Ike’s eye drove right over) is almost completely back on their feet with little help from FEMA or anyone else, for that matter. A huge majority (85%+ ?) of the cleanup was done by private companies or citizens, not by waiting on the Federal gov’t to come bail us out. Also, Ike was a category 3 in terms of wind speed when it hit Galveston, and the storm surge was estimated to be similar to that of most large 4s or small 5s. see RSI’s comment as well.

      Alright…all done. Thanks for your time.

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      • The problem is that Texas loves to elect fundamentalist religious folk into power, and they put more of the same on the board of education. Then, because of its very large population, the school textbooks chosen by the Texas board of education get huge print runs, and other books often don’t get print runs at all, leaving some states, particularly in the east, with no option but to use science and history textbooks that were selected by fundamentalist Christians. That causes some serious damage on the edumacation front… if it weren’t for the balancing factor of California, the U.S might only be a couple of generations away from becoming a theocracy.

        As far as the average Texan goes, I have no problem with them at all, but the people they elect SUCK.

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    19. pwn3d right there and then.

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    20. Goodness, what a lengthy response. It only took my ESL ass three hours to read. So if you have so much to stand up for Texas about, what the fuck is up with the retards wearing cowboy hats, fur coats, and shit kickers in the middle of August?

      I saw a gaggle of them fools getting on my plane from Huntsville to DFW.

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    21. lol…congrats on getting through it, twotone.

      Cowboy hats: keeps sun out of your eyes really well, they’re sturdy, and it makes bald old cowboys look maybe not bald, maybe.

      Fur coats: those were pimps, not retards.

      Shit kickers: good boots can be more comfortable than anything else on your feet, other than flip flops (of which I am a huge fan). The cowboy type also get used to wearing them & see tennis-shoes as feminine.

      Lastly, this is Texas, remember, so we’re all used to the heat. 75 degrees is cold.

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    22. No, I mean they were wearing all of those items as a single outfit. 40 something year olds in those ridiculous gittups…..

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    23. My apologies, twotone. In that case, they were almost definitely visitors to our great state and were enthusiastically – albeit confusedly – trying to participate in our culture.

      For the record, I was born & raised here & have never worn Wrangler jeans, a cowboy hat, used a big belt buckle, or ridden a horse as anything other than a novelty experience (twice when I was a kid).

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    24. Hopefully another hurricane comes along and finally wipes them all out. Oh and some tornadoes for the trailer park folk ;).

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    25. I live in Texas and Texas IS HELL!

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    26. By the way, we’re not all dumb rednecks.

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    27. Jascas_ I’m not going to go all tl;dr on you like you done on us (you owe me a new page down key by the way) but I’m just gonna say that you just proved everyone’s point about Texas, dumbass.

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    28. psst. Caio. If you’re just gonna say that, you have to say why you think so, not just that you think I proved the point. And at what point did I “go all tl;dr” on you all? Hmm?

      I’m sure this will never be commented on again, since it’s now halfway through October, but here’s to trying…

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