Indiana Jones And The Crystal Skull Russian Bitch From hell With a Machine Gun


This girl?  Sucked.  Her accent?  I laughed every time she opened her mouth.  This movie?  Pure shit.  Skip it and retain your image of Indiana Jones as manly man who doesn’t ride bitch to some some fruity fuck who cares more about his hair cut then tomb raiding.

Ugh.  And he had monkeys help him fight the commies.  Seriously, someone take Lucas’s writing license away.  Comment are obviously going to have a shitload of spoilers for those of us that have suffered through this shitfest.

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    28 Responses to Indiana Jones And The Crystal Skull Russian Bitch From hell With a Machine Gun

    1. So…you didn’t like the movie?


    2. Lol true it was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and I’ve been forced to sit through both Bridget Jones diaries *shudders*. It’s only redeeming quality is the one reason its still good. ITS FUCKING INDIANA JONES!


    3. Damnit! I hate when a movie I’ve been really looking forward to sucks. I’ll be seeing it on Monday. I’ll let yas know what I think.


    4. I didn’t think it was a bad as it could have been. Crystal skulls are real and that is kind of cool. The hat put on another decent performance. There wasn’t too much CG to spoil it. Enough of the movie was a chase scene. For a fourth movie that came out two decades later, I think it deserved a passing mark.


    5. @tastyzippo

      Apparently you missed the first 10 minutes of the film? You know, with the CGI prairie dogs, the cgi boxes, the cgi cars, the cgi desert, the cgi buildings, and the cgi rocket? Or maybe the ENTIRE jungle chase scene with cgi trees hitting Shila in the cgi testicles? Or maybe the cgi Jar Jar Binks style cgimonkeys that helped him attack the cgi commies while they raced on the cgi valley wall?


    6. Stolen from anonymoose on 4chan :
      (spoilers abound!!!!)

      Shia LaDouche’s infamous jar-jar monkey swinging.

      A shitton of nostalgiafaggotry along the lines of “OH HAY GUISE REMEMBER THOSE OTHER MOVIES HUR HUR! instead of just letting the movie stand on its own merits.

      That fucking light bloom effect washing everything out that Spielburg seems to want to put in all his movies now, because…

      …every exterior clearly filmed in craptacular greenscreen soundstage, also…

      …because I guess they thought if they just washed out everything in bloom they wouldn’t need to spend the extra time and money to polish their CGI work to actually look decent.

      CGI golphers being cute and making cute noises

      CGI monkeys being cute and making cute noises

      A 40 minute car chase through a (suprisingly navigable) jungle that gets increasingly cartoonishly stupid and more lazily CG’d as it stretches ever onward into eternity

      So wait…these tribal guys seal themselves up in the walls every morning in case people come by?

      Just in case the audience doesn’t get it from seeing the 3 dozen shots of the meso-american alien/god paintings, let’s make sure to have another half dozen shots of em and hold up the skull so the most retarded get it.


      Fortunately my background in archaeology and recent insanity enables me to identify inter-dimensional portals on sight.

      “I do.”

      Shit sux.


    7. yeah the movie had its moments, what bothered me the most was the constant inferences to Indy being a spy and fighting the commies, just didnt seem like the sort of thing Indy would have done during WWII, kinda killed the image of him for me


    8. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies. [/ quote]

      Now lets hear the ‘I’m not from America, so my voice is different’ posts.

      Indy ftw!


    9. I’m from America, but was born in Belgium…does that count?

      And really, I wanted to see Indiana Jones, not Sam Witwicki Plays Tarzan of the fucking Amazon. And I can do a better Russian accent than Cate pulled off…it’s like she practiced by listening to a third-gen analog reel of Gary Oldman in ‘Bram Stokers Dracula’.

      All that and I still was glad I saw it, and over-fucking-joyed I only paid matinee prices.


    10. Also the Nazca plains can be seen in the background when Indy climbs some nearby hill. Doesn’t that defeat the whole “only the gods can see them” crap? BUT HEY, IT LOOKED COOL, RIGHT?


    11. Oh whatever…
      I took the movie for what it was…
      It was entertaining enough, and fun to watch.
      The only thing that bothered me was the alien…that was a little too much for me. Didn’t really seem Indiana Jonish…

      But overall, not the best one, but I didn’t think it was the worse.

      PS: I like seeing the Arc at the very beginning though, that was kinda cool.


    12. that’s kate blanchet you fucking moron. for her not being russisn, i think she did a good job pulling it off.


    13. Have not see it, will still see it, do not mind spoilers

      But if she is Russian and blazing away with a ‘Russian’ machine gun, why does the ammo box read, “CAL .30 M1 Ammunition Box”?

      oh, wait.. Hollywood.
      Got it.


    14. mld, have you never played any WWII shooter? Ammo is sorted by gun type, not by ammo type. Clearly this is what real life must be like.


    15. don’t get me wrong, this was a great movie, I just don’t know if it was indiana-jones-worthy.
      1)evil russian bitch from hell wasn’t the best villain
      2)futuristic theme… aliens?
      3)the dwarf wasn’t in it
      definitely pulled it off as a good movie though.
      there were a lot of ridiculously corny chase/fight scenes that reminded me of pirates of the Caribbean, but they had a strong “chicken fight” feeling to it as well.
      and, cmon… he survives a f’cking nuclear explosion by hiding in a refrigerator. didn’t care how old he was.


    16. Well… I’m glad I have no desire to see this movie. It seems though I should watch the first couple, everyone seems to think they are pretty neat.


    17. oh don’t don’t forget about the entire retarded army ants segment.


    18. But Indy having eternal life is alright?

      The Nazi’s getting obliterated in a fiery death, while Indy and crew are unscathed-just by averting their eyes?

      I’ll say, honestly, it was off the Indy mark, but it still made a hell of a good movie. When has an Indiana Jones movie been meant to be grounded in reality?

      I mean…Sean Connery as a father figure? That’s just plain ridiculous.


    19. @Super Jay

      Amen! I just got back from seeing the movie, and I loved it for what the Indiana Jones series was supposed to be: an adventure film. After all, these movies were based on 1930’s adventure serials that really didn’t have to have anything to do with reality. After all, as lazlow had pointed out, the other artifacts that Indy has found weren’t any less supernatural or weird than this one.

      The only thing that bugged me was the whole flying-saucer thing…if they had just made the ship look at least a little different I would have liked it better, but anyway, still a good addition to the Indy saga in my book.


    20. Fun movie – very fast paced, cool action scenes, and nothing boring at all.

      Bad INDIANA JONES movie – little plot development, badguys who aren’t Nazis, subplot with Indy being a double agent AND AN ARMY COLONEL (wut?), horrible fake russian accents, fucking outer space (sorry, BETWEEN SPACE) aliens, characters who are introduced as if we’re supposed to know who the fuck they are when we don’t (except Marian or whatever her name is).


      again, fun movie, but easily the worst indy jones movie.


    21. I agree with lazlow, even though Jones did some crazy shit in the previous movies suddenly we’re all hypocritical when Lucas and Spielberg put aliens in this one. It’s a 1950’s adventure movie… not some shitty National Treasure movie

      and chaingunner, Indy a double agent an an army colonel? did I miss this part of the movie?


    22. I don’t think that most of you have ever watched an Indiana Jones movie before. You don’t walk into one of these and expect oscar-winning plots and extreme realism. You go for the action, chase scenes and sheer ridiculous fun of it. This is what this movie had and as a lifelong fan, I was satisfied.


    23. Or you don’t go at all because this was just made to make a little more money out of an already long dead and buried franchise.

      If Harrison Ford’s career weren’t circling the bowl this would not have been made.

      If big fat GL had any range what so ever and didn’t need to retread his successes from 30 years ago this would not have been made.

      If the masses weren’t so easy to pander to and manipulate this would not have been made.

      But it was cause it is, he doesn’t, and they are.

      TDK soon please


    24. I’m glad I read this so I can avoid it. But…what do you expect from George Lucas? He puts some goofy monkey crap in just about every movie; it’s for the kiddies and it was probably cool when we were younger (if you were alive for the first go-rounds) but Lucas’ films suck for adults—I wouldn’t be surprised if someone yells “Poodoo!” in the film. . But face it, RotLA was great but parts 2 and 3 were more and more awful; and Harrison Ford isn’t getting any younger.


    25. There’s a bright side! At least at the end Harrison Ford left wearing the fedora, the legend is intact, the torch has not been passed! woooo 🙂


    26. I just saw this Saturday night, and haven’t really been able to decide if I like it yet. I’m trying to take it for what it is, but it’s difficult. Lucas has pissed on my childhood for so long now…and, please, someone tell me what the fuck is with Shia LaBouf showing up in every single movie for the last couple of years???


    27. Bit that I thought was too-oo stupid was the fridge flying through the air and landing over a mile away – high velocity, boys and girls – a-a-and Indiana Jones opens the door and steps out like he landed in the basket of a gently-descending hot-air balloon.


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